


Part One

by BlairDrakko



Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers: Prime
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2020-08-13 23:50:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 33,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20182768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlairDrakko/pseuds/BlairDrakko
Summary: A story of Megatron and Optimus.





	1. Optimus

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all! It is rated M because it is for mature audiences but no trigger warnings I think. Sorry for errors... Enjoy...

Optimus Prime slid carefully down the outer sands that ran along the cave beside him, his optics narrowed and vents even as he silently followed his target. **_ Just what are you doing all the way out here Megatron?_**

The Prime had been returning to base after a long night of scouting when he heard very familiar engines roaring through the sky. He had initially panicked, afraid Megatron had finally found their base but as the mech continued to fly westward Optimus’s curiosity got the best of him and instead of racing home, followed after the mech.

It wasn’t odd for the warlord to be exploring alone necessarily but that he was all the way out here, with a human settlement not far from the location, and no energon mines to speak of it was an unusual spot to be flying over for the warlord.

**_Perhaps he has found another relic? _**Optimus wondered as he made it to the entrance of the cave, his spark hammering with numerous emotions as he considered that option. First he was excited because perhaps he would be able to take it from the Decepticon in time, surprise him into making mistakes, but secondly he felt that all too familiar pang of guilt flutter through his spark.

Optimus sighed. **_It is my fault he has so much of the database decrypted. _**

His spark still pulled at him for what had happened after Unicron, how he had managed to forget his entire team, forget that he was a Prime, forget Megatron was the ENEMY!

**_But, but he didn’t act like it… Not when Orion was there… _**That was another thing plaguing the Prime these days; at first he hadn’t remembered any of his time aboard the Nemesis but as the weeks passed images, memories started to come back to him through dream cycles and some in flashes throughout the day and what he saw in them was… Well, it wasn’t the Megatron _he_ knew.

He would dream of Megatron smiling at him, and not that cold arrogant smile that was laced with fury, but an actual smile. He would dream of them sitting on the warlord’s berth, him laughing as he went over numerous datapads over the history of Earth and Megatron just held him tightly as he did so, like he was afraid to let go.

He also dreamed of them in _other_ ways too and those… Those were both the most upsetting as well as the most _confusing _ones. Apparently when he was Orion he was a very open lover, so much so that as of last night he had dreamed of at least seven different sessions of their ummm, more _intimate_ moments, and not a one was of the same time!

Optimus hadn’t told any of his teammates about his dreams, figuring it’d be better to leave that all in the past for _everyone’s _sake, but the longer time went on the more vivid his dreams were becoming not just in clarity but emotional attachment and sometimes, he would wake up and mourn the loss of the mech.

It sounded foolish of course, to miss Megatron even though _he_ had never known the mech in such ways but in his dreams Megatron… He was someone else. He was warm, he was soft-spoken, he laughed and encouraged him, he smiled he… He loved Optimus…

**_NO! No, he loved Orion! Not you, or me… Arrgh… _**Optimus cursed inwardly, shaking his helm as he fought to focus on his task at servo, all the while reminding himself that _this_ Megatron wasn’t the one from those cursed dreams! This one would happily blow him apart in a moment, tear into him and snuff out his spark before he had a chance to even…

A strangled broken sound tore from his vocalizer and he had to cup his servos over his intake to muffle it. **_WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!? _**

He stopped just before entering the cave, his spark hammering painfully inside of him. Why did he miss the mech so fraggin much!? Why did it hurt to think of him!? Why did he long to feel his arms around_ his_ shoulders as they read or chatted about lifeforms and dreams… HE WAS NOT ORION!

Coolant burned in his optics then and Optimus swiped the tears away before they could fall. **_Why have I been so emotional lately!? _**He asked himself for the thousandth time. Not only was he haunted by dreams of his time with Megatron but his emotions seemed to be all out of sorts as well these days.

Like the dreams he hid his pain well enough from his team, avoiding Ratchet’s prying optics like a plague and yet when alone he would break down over the simplest things! **_Perhaps it is because I haven’t recharged enough since the dreams started. Hard to convince myself to sleep when I know I will just awaken alone and yearning for a love, a connection that was never mine._**

Optimus grit his denta steeling his spark and willing his usual apathetic stoicism to takeover but as he took a step deeper into the cave he froze. **_I, I don’t know if I can face him right now._**

That simple thought held far too much weight and pain, if he was getting so bad that he couldn’t face Megatron then, then what was he going to do!? What would he tell his team!? How could he continue to lead!?

A pained vent suddenly burst free and Optimus realized he had been holding it in for far too long. **_Something, something IS wrong with me. Perhaps I should go to Ratchet, I don’t want to… I am afraid to but, but I cannot put my team at risk because I cannot face him the way I should._**

He sighed, his helm low with shame and he was just about to turn away for good and run to Ratchet and tell him the secrets he had been keeping from so many for so long when he heard an odd but familiar sound come from deep in the cave.

** _Wh-what was that? It, it sounded like a sob…_ **

His optics widened his frame frozen as he turned his audials up to their highest sensitivity and sure enough, there it was again… The sound of weeping.

He huffed insecurely, his spark aching with sorrow over the mournful sounds coming from where he _knew _Megatron was, but most of all with fear for what he knew he was going to do. **_Just, just don’t be seen!_**

What had been a hunt now became a scouting mission and he slowly entered the cave, dimming his optics and bio lights as he walked. The cave was far deeper than he originally imagined and as he made his way down into his depths he gasped as he discovered something glowing along the walls.

**_What is this!? _**He raised his servo and gently scratched along the surface of the glow before bringing his digit to his faceplates to inspect it closer. **_It, it looks like some organic matter, but it glows! How fascinating!_**

His wonder was short lived as another sob broke through the silence and he began his descent into the darkness once more. He dialed his optics to their highest sensitivity at first, yet as he moved lower more and more of that plant, or moss, or whatever it was seemed to spread and he vented out at one point as he discovered that it was so bright around him he could almost see with just normal dilation.

**_It, it is beautiful just like… _**Suddenly his helm screamed at him, a flare of pain ripping forth and he almost cried out for the pain as an image came to him. It was a picture of this very substance, a picture with a vast amount of information detailing the kinds of moss and spores that surrounded him, and he realized it was not his memory file he was looking at but… **_Orion, Orion had found it when he was with Megatron! It was something called Schistostega… Or something like that, it grows in dark, wet climates and is natural to numerous continents._**

He raised his helm, his optics scanning over the glittering cave when he stopped venting as he found none other than Megatron sitting further back in the vast chamber. **_Gods! I had almost forgotten! _**He hurried behind a larger portion of the cave wall that jutted out and crouched behind it.

His spark was pounding, his servos shaking yet the whispered voice that filled the chamber caught his sensitive audials and he couldn’t help but peek out from his little hide-away. He blinked as he scanned over Megatron’s sitting frame, the larger mech leaning against the glowing wall yet where his back touched seemed darker, there was no glowing moss there like, like he had worn it away over time…

** _Does, does he come here often? How have we never noticed his activity so close to our base? Wait, what is he holding?_ **

Optimus cycled his optics once more focusing on what the mech held in his servos and he whimpered as he realized it was a datapad he had seen before. **_No, no not me but Orion…_**

His memory files flickered to life with one dream he had had where Megatron had pulled out an old and battered datapad, one he had told Orion he had kept since long before the war. Orion had recognized it immediately as his own, one he had _borrowed _from the archives long ago and had brought it with him when he moved to Kaon with Megatronus.

Megatron had nodded, and informed him that he had made sure to keep it working and safe just in case he ever… If he ever came back, if he ever found him again he knew Orion might have wanted it.

Tears again prickled at Optimus’s optics as he watched Megatron sorrowfully type things upon the pad. The mech was concentrated then, focused on his writings as he wiped his own tears away in frustration.

**_Primus… I… I wonder what he is writing? _**Optimus pondered, not allowing himself to wallow in the fact that the mech had been crying, that he was secluded in a glowing cave Orion had expressed interest in and he had obviously visited numerous times, and was writing on the tablet he had held for the mech for eons… _No_, all he wondered was, what could he be creating with his words?

Optimus sighed, shifting slightly to get more comfortable as he watched Megatron write in his solitude. He knew he should get back to his team, get back to the right path but after suffering the dreams, the feelings, the loss, and the pain… Just _watching_ Megatron seemed a welcomed comfort in a world he felt so isolated from these days. **_Perhaps I cannot get close to him but, but it is strange how my spark seems so at ease in this moment._**

He watched the mech secretly yes but, this was the first time he didn’t feel so alone in weeks. A smile crept up on his faceplates as he settled into the cool sands, his helm leaning against the stone as he watched Megatron in his moment of peace, of solitude and he couldn’t help but think… **_He can be so beautiful when he is at peace._**

Megatron was lost, broken looking and that hurt Optimus but, he also looked so _alive_! Far more than he ever had been on the battlefield. There Megatron had two emotions at best, arrogance and hate but, but here…

His face constantly changed, shaping to whatever emotions he was weaving in his writing and Optimus felt mystified by it all. He snuggled close to the stone his vents soft, his optics wide with wonder and speculation and how long he sat there, he didn’t know but watching Megatron… It seemed time didn’t matter, like it had paused and for a moment it was just them.

Finally, after a few more kliks or breems the warlord sighed, pressing against the wall behind him as he forced himself to stand.

Optimus startled at his sudden abandonment of his writing and tucked himself behind his little shield of stone as he felt panic fill him. **_I should have left by now! I should have escaped while I could! What if he sees me!?_**

His battle programing flickered to life, ready and waiting to attack but for some reason Optimus shut it down. **_No, no just wait… _**He told himself as he peeked from his hiding space and watched Megatron kiss the datapad before sliding a piece of rock aside and hiding it in the wall he had sat against before turning and walking towards the exit.

** _Oh no! What if he finds me!? I was such a fool! I need to move, I need to attack! I need…_ **

All of his panicked musing were quieted though as Megatron walked right by his little hideaway, not even sparing a glance to where Optimus shivered in fear and the Prime gaped as the larger mech continued to the exit of the cave.

He dared not to move, his vents stuck in his chassis until he heard the tell-tale sounds of transformation and then a blast of engines and then… Silence.

The Prime vented out finally, his frame heated for how long he had been keeping it in and he stared at the path to the exit, wondering if he should just go and forget this whole night. **_I… Something is wrong with me! I, I need to get to Ratchet before this hinders my ability to lead. I…_**

His helm turned unconsciously towards the spot Megatron had been siting, his spark hammering as he spied the rock that he knew the datapad was hidden behind. **_I… I wonder…_**

Cursing his weakness, his idiocy, and accursed curiosity Optimus forced himself to his pedes. He hesitated then, his processor telling him to go, to go right now and report every secret he had been keeping but his spark…

His legs were moving and before his processor could catch up he was at Megatron’s space. He frowned as he stood there, staring openly at the rock before he fell to his knees in the sand.

**_Oh, it is still warm… _**He thought as he stretched his arms out and dug his servos into the sands and he smiled sadly. **_What is wrong with me…_**

He huffed, pulling his servos from Megatron’s warmth before reaching out and sliding the rock away. **_Just a quick peek and then I need to move! _**He promised himself sternly before grabbing the datapad and turning so that he sat in Megatron’s place, forcefully ignoring the warmth that surrounded him as he turned the data pad on.

**_Oh my…_** Hundreds of files came up instantly, yet they were organized by nothing more than dates. He blinked in surprise as he noted the Cybertronian vorn the first entry was listed at and he opened it curiously. It was surprisingly short and as Optimus read it he couldn’t help but laugh.

……

_Vorn 158Y _

_Ahhhh! I stole one! Oh, Alpha Trion would be so upset with me if he ever realized I did such a thing! I am upset I did such a thing! Oh, maybe I should return it tomorrow… I am going to return it._

…….

The next entry seemed like a week from the first and Optimus decided to see if his guilt... Noooo, _Orion’s_ _guilt,_ had gotten the best of him.

…….

_Vorn 158Y_

_I didn’t return it. I am awful but I did add some of my wages into the fund for higher education programs that go on in the Archive so, I don’t feel so bad now. _

_Today is a special day I have found transport to Kaon! There aren’t many shuttles that go there from Iacon and I have been waiting for a month to travel but now I am! I am nervous, but excited! I have read that the majority of the citizens there are war frames and also… Well, the majority are slaves._

_I am appalled with the idea of slavery and how it has been allowed to not only exist in a civilization as advanced as ours but flourish is wretched thus, why I am going to meet with the writer Megatronus!_

_I have heard he is also a gladiator, strange combination but slaves don’t get much say in what they want to be, poor mech. We have been communication secretly, oh I am racking up a list of criminal activities, anyways we have been communicating while I am at work. He is so intelligent and he has wondrous plans for the future._

_I don’t know if I will be able to help him or the citizens of Kaon, but I am certainly going to try! Ok, time to go! I wonder what else I should bring…_

…….

Optimus chuckled. **_It seems I used to be quite excitable…_**

He checked his chronometer frowning as he realized how late it was now and he knew Ratchet would be patient for so long. He sent a quick message to the medic, _lying_ as he said he was off star gazing and would return soon and another chuckle was pulled from him as he thought of Orion’s passage. **_I am racking up a list of criminal activities… Alright, just one of Megatron’s and then, THEN I GO!_**

He scrolled up, finding the entry from tonight and with a tight spark and shaking servo opened it. Unlike Orion’s where is was dated and neatly written Megatron’s was sporadic and a bit of a mess.

**_Well… I suppose it is hard to write clearly through tears. _**Optimus thought sadly before he vented in and began to read.

……

Too LoNg Now

BeEn ToO

LoNG

OrION ooorionorionorionorionorionroirnonriinorroirorornoiom

I HATE HIM!

TeAM NerVouS

FoOls…

I MiSs yOu YoU YouUUUU

FoUnD

NoW

gOne…

I love you, love love love LOOOOOVE LOVE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK fuck

help mEeeeee

……..

Optimus stared at the writing, his frame frozen and vents shallow. **_Megatron…_**

Since the passage was so short Optimus swallowed hard, searching for another from a few weeks back, one that would have been written when he was still Orion, and opened it. The difference in writing was startling and for a moment he thought Orion had written it until, until he started to read it.

……..

_Orion,_

_You lay next to me now, your vents soft in the usually oppressive silence I have come to expect at night it..._

_It is a welcomed change._

_I have missed you so very much Orion, my love, and to have you once more, to be able to look down and find you beside me, it is a gift. Yes, your frame has changed but so much has not. You still walk as gracefully as a dancer and yet have a tendency to walk into just about anything. Your smile has that wonderful slant to it when it is small and when it is large it is like the heaven’s sing for their jealousy of its beauty._

_Orion, I have been so alone, so empty, so hurt… I am not the mech you once knew, I… I hope you never realize why but, but I know if I love you I will have to face my darkness with you one day but for now, now I aim to be simple, to be happy, and to bask in the wonder of you._

_I love you, with all my spark._

_………._

If the first of Megatron’s passages shocked him to silence this one… This one broke something inside of Optimus. He curled into himself, his frame shaking as he clung to the data pad as a life-line of sorts. **_Ohhhh, what is WRONG WITH ME!? Why do I feel his PAIN!? Why do I CARE!?_**

Part of him was furious, either with himself or Megatron he wasn’t certain, and he wanted to throw the data pad. He wanted to destroy it, wipe its wretched contents from existence and yet, he couldn’t let it go.

** _Why… What is wrong with me… Why now, why is this happening now!? I hate him, he hates me! THAT is the WAY it NEEDS to BE!_ **

He sat there for a few more moments, his processor and spark reeling before he finally found the strength to stand. He did not throw the data pad away, he didn’t destroy it but placed it back in its little hiding space safely and slid the rock back into place.

**_I need to go. _**Was all he thought then as he made his way to the mouth of the cave, climbing back up the side to hopefully hide his tracks before he transformed and drove home. Home to the cold and lonely berth he slept in every night, home to where he knew his dreams would torture him with images of love and peace with a mech that absolutely despised him.

……………………………

** _ Why did I come back?_ **

The second night, after his patrol Optimus drove back to the cave, observing it carefully from a hidden outcropping in hopes, or fearing that Megatron would reappear. He had waited just about a breem and was quickly telling himself to just go home, to leave all of this alone when he heard the engines.

Crouching down further as to not be caught Optimus had watched Megatron land just before the cave entrance, his silver frame glittering in the moonlight for just a moment until he disappeared inside.

Optimus waited for about ten kliks, hopefully giving Megatron time to get comfortable before he stepped out of his hiding place and carefully snuck after the warlord. He had made it down just fine, finding his hiding place from the night before and settled down to watch.

Megatron seemed in better spirits today, no tears coming from him at least, as he began to type. His movements were far more fluid, his optics soft even and Optimus felt his spark pulse oddly at the sight. He sighed quietly as he leaned his helm against the stone and merely basked in the closeness of the mech.

Yes, he asked himself over and over what he was doing here, why did he return, and was he certain he really wanted to dig himself deeper but the comfort he felt in being there quieted most of his fears, especially when Megatron began to hum.

His optics opened wide, his vents stilling as he listened to the light song that softly made its way through the cave and smiled. **_I didn’t know he could sing so well._**

It was a song from Cybertron, one that Optimus was sure he had heard before or perhaps Orion had but he reveled in its sweet melody regardless. Time passed and more songs came, each pulling at memories and odd feelings and at one point Optimus realized tears were falling from his optics. **_I, gods… I shouldn’t be here. Why am I torturing myself, what am I expecting from all of this but more pain? Why am I even HERE!?_**

He curled into himself, his confusion and anger with himself growing by the klik and by the time Megatron stood to leave Optimus didn’t even look up when the mech walked past him, almost like he wanted the mech to see him and beat some sense into him but… But he didn’t and again after some time Optimus stood and made his way to Megatron’s spot and pulled out the datapad.

He vented out in frustration as he opened the newest file…

…….

_Orion,_

_It has been weeks now since I last held you. I miss you and I know I handled things wrong, through all of it. I should have been honest, I should have faced my wrongs and maybe you would have stayed with me…_

_Fighting you, fighting YOU was like a bolt of lightning through my spark. When you came at me I, at first all I saw was Optimus but you were never a fighter my love and when I threw YOU to the ground I… I regret it so deeply._

_I, I am sorry I lied. I am sorry I drove you away, drove you to question me, and I am sorry you were hurt. I found the guards that attacked you shortly after my return, you did well love. I saw the footage afterwards and every time they hit you all I could see, was myself. You did well to protect yourself, I am so proud of you._

_I miss you._

_I miss you so terribly._

_My spark, my love._

_In other news what work you did with the Iacon database has been helpful if only those wretched Autobots could stay away! But, we are making helm way in our search and soon we will have one more relic in our grasp. So, for what it is worth, thank you._

_Today I was finally brave enough to listen to some of our old music, it hurt but it also made me smile when I thought of you dancing in my quarters. You shone like the sun that night; you were stunning, beautiful, magical. Did I ever get the chance to say all of that to you, I wonder._

_I think I just sat there stupidly staring until you dragged my aft from my chair and when we danced, Orion that was the happiest I have been in so long. Thank you for that as well._

_My team looks at me oddly these solar-cycles, I think they don’t trust me or think I am breaking. Even Soundwave has been questioning my actions or inactions when it comes to attacking Optimus, your destroyer._

_……_

Optimus stopped reading for a moment, his spark sinking and rising at the last sentence. **_So he is having trouble facing me as well?_**

He continued reading anxiously.

…….

_It isn’t that I don’t hate the mech but, but after seeing you in him it is so confusing! I tried, I tried to face him once he took you from me again but after slicing through the fragger’s plating, for just a moment he looked so pained, vulnerable even… He looked like you._

_It is a momentary weakness, my team is foolish to think that mech holds any power over me! I despise him and his spark will be mine one day, I just hope…_

_I hope he doesn’t look at me when I take it from him._

…….

Optimus stared at the last portion of the passage, his spark oddly numb as he turned, gently placing the datapad down in its hole. His shaking servos then gripped the rock and slipped it back into its slot. **_Why am I doing this to myself…_**

He left then, promising himself never to return, to leave things as they were but he had never been very good at keeping promises to himself.

………………………………

He never told Ratchet the truth, he never told anyone, and in the passing weeks instead of leaving the cave be, instead of forgetting about everything he just let himself fall deeper and deeper into the mess he was creating.

Sometimes he would sit outside the cave and Megatron wouldn’t come, or sometimes he would come but Optimus wouldn’t enter. Sometimes he would go in when Megatron wasn’t there and read some passages, always making sure he was on high alert when he did so just in case. Either way as the solar-cycles passed Optimus found himself at that cave time and time again all the while dreaming such sweet memories that shattered his spark upon waking.

It was about the fourth night that he decided to start keeping a video journal, desperate to ease some of his guilt and confusion and to confide in _something_ about everything he was going through and out of all of his companions, teammates, _friends_… He chose a recorder.

The first time he tried to open up about things he had just stared at the little device, huffing and sighing for a while before he mumbled that he couldn’t do this and he shut it off.

The next time was after an extremely wonderful dream where he and Megatron had been laughing as they watched the sunset together on top of the Nemesis. He had woken a terrible mess, his frame shaking from helm to pede and he had thought that maybe now he could get some of this chaos out of him!

He flipped the recorder on, sitting before it as he trembled yet as he opened his intake the only thing that ripped from him was a ragged broken sound and he just sobbed into his servos. He mumbled somethings, mostly incoherent pleas for help or something, he wasn’t sure but eventually he calmed down enough to look straight into the camera and say just a few words before shutting it off.

“I think I love you.”

After his confession night his recording started to get easier and what started as only one entry a night began to dissolve into numerous recordings throughout the day. He even began taking the recorder with him when he traveled so he could film things whenever the need arose.

When he had a memory come to him he would mark it on his diary, when a location he, well Orion and Megatron, had visited popped into his helm, he would go there and say some words… All in all the recordings did seem to help; he didn’t feel like such a wretched liar and he didn’t feel so alone.

He still visited the cave now and then but had decided only to do so when his spark ached too terribly and his need of just the sight of Megatron grew too great.

He did notice how little of the warlord he saw these days, beyond the cave of course. The Decepticons were exceptionally quiet in their activities and Optimus wondered if it was because of Megatron’s struggle not to see Orion in him or perhaps something else but, he was grateful for it.

He didn’t want to hurt the mech, he didn’t want to hurt anyone really but after getting to know Megatron more these last few weeks either through the datapad or just watching him he saw a weakness, a soft side and of course his dreams helped cement his wish to keep the peace with the mech.

His Autobots were happy with the change as well, almost as happy as they were to see Optimus pulling himself out of his gloomy disposition… Little did they know his recovery was because of his own reckless selfish actions, his secrets…

He was just about two weeks into his damming practices when Megatron finally made a rare appearance. Optimus should have known he was going to need to face the mech though as a new energon mine had been unveiled by a recent rockslide and just as his team made it to the sight Megatron and his team did as well.

**_Oh no! _**Optimus had frozen the moment he set optics on the mech, his frame stiff and spark whirling before Megatron jumped at him.

The first hit to the helm stunned him, throwing him back and rolling through the sands until he slammed into the side of nearby plateau.

“Arrrrgh…” He groaned, shaking his helm to clear the static as Megatron again flew at him and he raised his servos to defend himself yet, couldn’t attack!?

Hit after hit Optimus dodged or blocked the blows, all the while _screaming_ at himself to fight BACK, but he couldn’t. All he could see was Megatron crying, or holding him, singing to him, _dancing_ with him and each image tore at him, made his arms useless and spirit broken.

“ARRRRRGH! What is wrong with you Prime!? FIGHT ME!” Megatron shouted at some point, kicking Optimus hard in his abdominal plating and sending him flying back once more.

Optimus tumbled through the sands, his battered frame screaming in agony as he rolled. **_I NEED TO FIGHT BACK! HE WILL KILL ME!_**

That thought, that horrific thought ripped into him further and it was then a sob escaped his intake. **_NO! No do not BREAK! This is the way things are!_**

He tried to stand but a fist slammed into his helm.

** _GET UP!_ **

He saw an opportunity to grab Megatron’s legs, yet he didn’t advance and received an agonizing kick to his chassis for his hesitancy.

** _FIGHT HIM!_ **

He grabbed Megatron’s servo as it came flying at him, his servo gripping it with crushing force before flipping the mech to the side. Megatron growled as he fell next to Optimus, and the Prime quickly transformed his servo to his rifle aiming it at Megatron’s faceplates but… But…

“Fool.” Was all Optimus heard before Megatron’s cannon whirled to life and with a brilliant flash of purple fire scorched across his chest and he was blasted backwards.

Again he found himself tumbling wildly, his frame steaming and hissing across the sands until he slid to a painful stop.

Optimus whimpered, everything he had been struggling with racing through his helm and he cursed himself, cursed his stupidity, his weakness… **_I, I am a f-fool… Such a fool…_**

He heard Megatron’s pedes stomp up to him, the larger mech venting raggedly as he stopped right before Optimus’s helm and lowered his cannon.

Optimus lifted his helm, energon and tears dripping from it as he peered up at the warlord and he wondered if this would be it, if this would be the last thing he saw, the last thing he felt before he died and one thought came to him in that moment despite all.

**_Megatron, I love you…_**

Megatron snarled at him, his faceplates dark but optics blazing like fire. “You have just killed yourself Optimus.” He grated out through clenched denta and a small broken laugh came from Optimus.

“Y-yes…” He answered gruffly as he lowered his helm to the hot sands below, he was so tired. He was tired of the dreams, he was tired of being alone, he was tired of being a liar, he was tired of just following this mech, hiding from him as his spark ached to be closer… He was tired of it all.

“Why didn’t you fight back!? What is wrong with you, do you _want_ to die!?” Megatron spat furiously and Optimus whimpered as he felt the cannon slam down against his back. Just one shot, one shot and his spark chamber would be melted into nothing but molten metal and in some small way Optimus found himself wishing for it all to end…

Another laugh came from him as tears fell. “I d-don’t kn-know…” He admitted in response to Megatron’s question because, he really didn’t know.

He didn’t know if he wanted to die or just go on torturing himself day by day… It was clear he couldn’t even attack this mech now so, so what would happen anyways? He was a failed Prime, a failed leader all because of what, some other mech’s dreams?

Megatron had stared at him a moment longer, his faceplates unreadable and optics flickering before he scoffed in disgust and pulled his cannon away. “Pathetic Prime. Truly pathetic.” Was all the mech said before turning on his heel and walking away.

Optimus watched him go through tear filled optics. **_I truly am pathetic, aren’t I?_**

His team found him some time later, all of them battered and wounded and Optimus’s guilt soared for his weakness. Bulkhead and Ratchet helped him stand, both silent yet Ratchet was glaring at him furiously as they limped their way into the ground bridge and Optimus knew he would need to answer to his team for today’s defeat…

……………………..

It was late at night when Ratchet had finally repaired the rest of the team enough to send them to berth, he had saved Optimus for last because he normally did anyways, but also so that they could talk.

Optimus shuttered his optics as he lay on the medical berth, his spark hammering as he listened to Ratchet get his tools in order. **_I, I need to tell him! I should have told him weeks ago! I, I can’t handle this on my own anymore, it is changing me, it is a threat to my team, I can’t recharge well, I feel sick and tired all of the time, my emotions are a wreck… I need to tell him._**

He opened his optics as he heard Ratchet sit next to him, staring at the dull grey color of the ceiling for a moment before finally turning to face his oldest friend.

Ratchet was scowling at him, his optics narrowed in confusion but also suspicion, and that hurt more than anything for the Prime. **_He doesn’t trust me… Not that I blame him, I have kept so much from, from them all._**

“Weeks.” Ratchet stated stiffly, his voice low. “Weeks you have been leaving us over and over. Weeks you have hidden in your quarters, weeks you have been hardly fueling, hardly recharging… Weeks you have pushed us all away and then today…”

Optimus felt a blush come over his faceplates. “F-Forgive me, old friend.” He whispered and Ratchet growled.

“I would almost give you the excuse for getting your aft handed to you because of your dangerously low fuel levels but I _saw_ the fight between you and Megatron, Optimus.” The medic scoffed and shook his helm furiously. “If _that_ could even be called a fight, I mean… What the FRAG Optimus!?”

Optimus flinched at the medic’s tone, his spark aching to tell him the truth, to finally let it all out to more than just some lifeless recorder.

**_I am sorry Ratchet, I… I am remembering things, so many things and… And now I don’t know who I am! I don’t know if there is more of Orion in me or Optimus and I, I am terrified! HELP ME!? _**Was what he should have said instead a muttered excuse fell from his dermas. “I, I haven’t been feeling well Ratchet, not since returning.”

It was easy to say because along with everything he was dealing with Optimus had been feeling like slag. He hadn’t been fueling much because with all of his stress he felt nauseous constantly, when he slept it was just long enough to have magnificent dreams and then weep the rest of the night away. He was away from the base constantly pushing himself further and further and the only true comfort he got was, was while watching Megatron write.

Ratchet’s scowl lifted just a bit before he nodded, “Alright fine then, let’s do some tests. Here, I will run a diagnostic as I fix what that fragger did to your helm and chest.”

Optimus nodded as he opened his medical port and allowed Ratchet to plug in. **_Maybe, maybe there is something more to all of this!? Maybe I am just sick and it is causing me to not think straight… Maybe?_**

As much as Optimus hated being sick he found himself hoping that was the cause of all of this! Maybe something that affected his processor, like glitching circuitry or perhaps there was trouble with his resistors? If he could get those fixed maybe then there will be no more dreams, no more unexpected memories!

A breem passed and Optimus almost fell into recharge a few times, his frame feeling so heavy, so weak but he didn’t want to fall asleep and begin dreaming of Megatron with Ratchet in his medical port.

He was fairly certain the medic couldn’t see dreams through the connection but sometimes his frame… Well with the more _personal_ dreams his frame reacted embarrassingly and that was the last thing he needed or wanted to deal with.

“Alright, you are all fixed up Optimus.” Ratchet said after a time, unplugging from Optimus’s medical port before he stood and began placing his tools away. “Listen, I am exhausted. I will look over the report in the morning alright but for now, please rest and try to fuel.”

Optimus eagerly nodded. “Of course, Ratchet. Thank you for helping with everyone tonight.” He said heavily as he pulled himself from the berth. He paused before leaving, his servos wringing before him as he cleared his vocalizer. “Forgive my failure today, I… I am sorry.”

Ratchet peered at him from over his shoulder. “Optimus you… You let yourself be beaten to scrap today.” The medic said quietly, his voice gruff and filled with static as he looked back at the shelf in front of him. “You, I don’t know what is going on with you but I _do know_ seeing you just, just give up like that it…”

“I wasn’t giving up!” Optimus exclaimed yet his optics dimmed as he recalled what had gone through his helm as he lay in the sands. “I… I just…” He stuttered, his words lost to him because he really didn’t know what to say.

**_Tell him the truth! Tell him how you feel like you are losing your processor! Tell him you need help! Tell him you are afraid! _**He yelled the answers in his helm but no words came from his lips.

Ratchet sighed, peering back over his shoulder as a small smile lifted on his faceplates. “I know the whole Orion thing was tough on you Optimus, frag it was tough on all of us but you are the one that hasn’t really talked about any of it.”

Optimus felt his faceplates drain of energon and he had to quickly turn away from the medic before he noticed. **_Oh no! Wait, wait maybe this is the opening you need! B-be brave, you can do this! You…_**

“I know you don’t remember anything,” Ratchet continued softly, kindly and Optimus felt his shame bloom like wild fire. “But that doesn’t mean you aren't feeling things now because of it. All I am saying is you have a team, a family here for you, alright?”

Optimus felt tears burn his optics but again nothing but silence escaped him and he merely nodded. **_Why can’t I tell him? What am I afraid of?_**

Ratchet vented out as Optimus stiffly walked past him. “Goodnight Optimus.” Was all the Prime heard before he walked out of the med bay and back to his cold quarters.

Once in his room he immediately went to the wash rack, the hot oil burning along his wounds and when he stepped out Optimus made the mistake of looking in the reflecting glass in the room and just stood there.

His chest was blown to slag, jagged silver lines of welding were sprawled across it like lightning bolts but what was worse was his faceplates. His plating was cracked all along the right side, his plating a deep dark shade of purple, one optic hardly opened and his dermas were split…

** _Megatron did this to me. Megatron the mech I have been ignorantly swooning over and chasing for weeks! M-Megatron… He isn’t the mech in my dreams! This, THIS is what he is to me and what I am to HIM! THIIIIS!_ **

As tears filled his optics Optimus stormed out of the room and grabbed his recorder. He set the little thing angrily down on his desk flicking it on before he sat before it.

“Today you beat me! You beat me just like the MONSTER you ARE!” He yelled at the camera his spark thundering. “Y-you are nothing but a monster to me! You aren't what I, what I remember o-or wh-what those awful f-fragging dreams SHOW! It is all A LIE! YOU ARE A LIE! You… Ohhhh…”

He had to stop as a sob tore from him, his servos shaking as he brought them to his helm and he couldn’t help but noticed how his knuckles had not a gash on them, not a single scratch but, but his faceplates…

“I couldn’t do it…” He whispered as he stared at his servos. “I, I couldn’t. I just let you beat me and you, you don’t even know why. I d-don’t e-even kn-know why… Ohhh gods… Who a-am I? Who am I? Why, why do I l-love s-someone like y-you?”

He crossed his arms on the desk then, resting his aching helm down upon them as he laughed bitterly. “I, I have taken this foolish thing with me everywhere. I have recorded thoughts I do not have the bravery to tell anyone. You, you are right Megatron, I am pathetic.”

He tilted his helm slightly, his optics peering into the camera before a smile came to his torn lips. “I remembered something new today, just before… Well… Anyways, it was about that emblem you had scratched into my blades.” Optimus laughed, wiping the tears from his optics before transforming one of his servos to his blade. “I can’t believe I didn’t notice it before now, though it is small, it means forever doesn’t it? I didn’t get to remember that part and my Kaonise is a bit rusty. If that is what you call the language even.”

His smile widened, a drip of energon coming from his wounded dermas as his other servo traced the symbol. “Forever… But not. I… I am so confused Megatron. More and more memories keep coming to me, some from long ago, far too long ago now and… And I don’t know who I am anymore.”

He sighed, transforming his servo back and lying his helm down as he idly scratched at the pitted surface of his desk. “Am I Orion, am I Optimus? I don’t know, but I do know it is alienating me from e-everyone.”

He moaned as he curled into himself. “I am so afraid Megatron. I am so alone, I don’t know what is happening and, and the only time I feel right is when I see you… Well, when I see you but d-don’t see m-me cause then th-this h-happens.” He sobbed once more, his frame shaking as he held himself. “Th-this is a-all I g-get f-from you. I c-can steal poetry, I can steal songs, glances, glimpses at you but if you s-see me it just e-ends in p-pain… A-always p-pain…”

A hiccupped yawn came from Optimus, his optics shuttering. “I am so t-tired and I just f-feel sick a-all the time; this is wh-what I am doing t-to my-myself. Just for a glimpse of you…” His battered frame relaxed and he sighed as he felt himself falling into a broken recharge. “I love you, M-Megatron, and I think it is g-going to k-kill me… I th-think you are g-going to kill me, my love.” He muttered as the world fell away and recharge took him and he found himself actually looking forward to the dreams for once, they were the only thing that didn’t seem to hurt anymore…

…………………………….

Optimus Dreamed

_~ “Wake up love”_

_Optimus groaned, his optics creaking open when he felt his spark flutter as he found Megatron leaning over him. “Mega…”_

_“Come on sleepy helm, I have a surprise for you Orion.” Megatron said his voice quivering with excitement and Optimus couldn’t help but laugh as he took the offered servo._

_He yelped as Megatron suddenly tugged him close, the larger mech wrapping his arms around him as their frame met and Optimus cheered inside as he too wrapped his arms around Megatron. “I love you Megatron.”_

_Megatron tightened his arms as his wonderful deep laughter filled the air. “Forever Orion, I could wake you up like this forever.”_

_Optimus joined him in laughter and snuggled his helm in close. “I’d like that.”_

_They stayed like that a moment both holding tightly, desperately to one another before Megatron eventually pushed Optimus away. “Alright, alright… I did not spend an incredibly frivolous amount of time and bore the brunt of my crew’s ire to just hug you all day, though that is a nice idea. Come on!”_

_Optimus beamed as Megatron took his servo and led him through the halls of the ship. “What is the surprise? Is it going to take long because I am nearly finished with that second encryption.”_

_Megatron glanced back at him flatly. “Once the Archivist, always the Archivist.”_

_Optimus blushed and rolled his optics. “What can I say, it is a curse.”_

_“Yeah? Well so is loving me, come on!” Megatron chided and Optimus was about to follow after when his mate’s words struck something inside of him and he froze._

_“A curse?” He mumbled quietly, his optics narrowing as an itch of sorts started at the back of his helm. **Loving him isn’t a curse… Is it?**_

_“Are you coming or what!?”_

_Optimus blinked, looking down at his servo to find not only was he no longer not holding Megatron’s but now they were outside of the ship and walking through some forest. _

** _Huh… _ ** _Optimus thought, not fazed in the least at the change as he began running after Megatron and the silver mech’s engine revved at the challenge._

_“RACE YOU!” Megatron cried and Optimus cursed at him._

_“FRAGGER! I don’t even know where we are going!” He exclaimed yet he was laughing the whole time and forced himself to move faster and faster._

_“GOOD! MEANS I AM CERTAIN TO WIN!” Megatron cheered as he jumped over a large fallen tree and raced on._

_“CHEATER!” Optimus yelled, and soon the two of them were sprinting through the forest, gliding over foliage and stone, both laughing like it idiots as the speckled sunshine lit their way._

_ **I am happy, I am so happy! **Optimus thought as he ran, his chest was heaving, frame wet from condensation and morning dew but, he felt ALIVE!_

_Finally he saw Megatron veer off to the left and Optimus growled coiling his pistons tight before lunging at the other mech. “GOTCHA CHEATER!”_

_His frame crashed into Megatron’s, his arms wrapped tight as they went tumbling through the forest floor. Some smaller trees unfortunately suffered for their bumpy journey but it was worth it for as they stopped rolling Optimus hooted as he found himself on top of the larger mech!_

_“HA, victory is MINE!” He shouted proudly and Megatron laughed under him._

_“Who is the cheater now, love?” He asked sarcastically but his smile was just as wide as ever and Optimus’s spark pulsed with joy over it._

_“I learned from you, now! If you wish to proceed you must pay a toll.” Optimus said sternly and Megatron scoffed._

_“Oh really? And, what per say, is that toll?”_

_Optimus frowned, his digit tapping the bottom of his chin as he thought. “Oh!” He exclaimed happily before leaning down. “A kiss.” The rumble that came from Megatron went right to Optimus’s lower chassis and he almost let the mech go just for that._

_“A kiss? Very well, come closer.” Megatron said huskily and Optimus whimpered at the request before lower his helm in close but not enough to touch._

_“Megatron, do you love me?” Optimus asked, uncertain why he was asking or why he felt so desperate for an answer. He knew his mate loved him, he had always loved him… Hadn’t he?_

_Megatron tilted his helm, confusion written across his faceplates as he brought his servo to the side of Optimus’s cheek. “What a silly question, Orion. Of course I do.”_

_Optimus blinked at him, his spark now thundering as something ate at him but he wasn’t certain what. “I… I know.” He muttered, leaning back a bit as that odd itch continued to grow at the back of his helm. Why was he bothered by that answer!? Of course Megatron loved him, he always loved his Orion…_

** _Orion, yes… Orion… I am Orion aren’t I? _ ** _His optics clouded as more doubt filled him yet he then wondered, why was he calling himself Optimus?_

_“Orion? Are you alright?”_

_Orion shook his helm, his smile returning as he nodded. “Yes, forgive me. Not enough recharge last night.” He said playfully and Megatronus scoffed._

_“That was NOT my fault, you are insatiable mech.” The mech retorted yet his optics flashed at the words._

_Orion laughed as he lowered himself once more. “What about that kiss?” He asked and this time Megatronus didn’t hesitate for an instant._

_Their lips met, smooth against scarred, warm against burning hot… Their glossa twisted, coiled tighter, their vents mingled and mixed… It was perfect, it was beautiful, it was life…_

_Orion gasped as he finally pulled away, his fans whirling as they tried to cool his rapidly heating frame. “Wow…”_

_Megatronus smiled smugly up at him. “Damn right. Now, can I give you your surprise now?”_

_Orion nodded as he stood and helped Megatronus up. “I suppose, but you will owe me more later.”_

_The silver mech lifted his optical ridge at that. “Yes Sir.” He answered with a mock salute and Orion slapped him lightly before they clasped servos and began walking once again._

_“Ahhh, there it is!” Megatronus exclaimed after a bit of time and Orion laughed as he was dragged forwards yet as the silver mech stopped Orion looked around and found nothing but plants around them._

_“Megatronus?” He asked as the mech knelt carefully in the foliage and began to push some of the plants aside. Orion followed suit, confusion still written on his faceplates as he did so when he heard his mate gasp. “It survived!”_

_Orion smiled, happy to hear relief and joy in the larger mech’s voice yet when he peered down at the spot Megatronus had cleared out his vents froze in his chassis. “Is, is that a…”_

_“A crystal tree.” Megatronus finished for him, his optics blazing as he carefully placed a digit under one of the small branches and lifted it from the Earthen vegetation. _

_“H-how?” Orion asked in awe, his optics bulging as he watched Megatron finally pull his prize out from the greenery and there at the end of the branch glittered one deep blue and red crystal. “Oh my…”_

_Megatronus’s servo shook as he gently took the crystal in his servo, it wasn’t much bigger than his smallest digit, and snapped it off. “Shockwave came up with a formula a while back but only one tree survived. Odd that its colors should resemble your own Orion as this, is for you my love.”_

_Orion’s optics burned as he reached his servo out and Megatron gently placed the gem in his palm. “Th-this is the only one?” He inquired, his voice shaking as he studied the crystal closely, reverently. _

_A sigh escaped Megatronus as he lowered the branch back down. “So far, but I have hope for this tiny tree.” He peered up at Orion, his optics soft and filled with love. “It is a strong little thing, even though it is lost in a world it doesn’t belong in, it fights on. Just like you have, Orion.”_

_Tears fell from Orion’s optics. “Megatronus, I can’t take this! You worked so hard on it and Cybertron was our home, not just mine!”_

_The silver mech rolled his optics before cupping his servo around Orion’s and pushing his servo back to the smaller mech’s chest. “How did I know you would fight me on this?” He grumbled but it held no true frustration._

_Orion frowned. “I will only accept it on one condition.” He said sternly and before his mate could complain he lifted the wondrous little thing between both servos and with a grunt snapped it in half._

_“ORION!? Awww, it was perfect!” Megatronus complained but Orion just smiled as he handed the gaping mech the other half._

_“No, NOW it is perfect.” He stated proudly and his mate groaned._

_“What am I going to do with you?”_

***Beep, beep***

_Orion beamed. “Oh I can think of a few things…” He said slyly, sub spacing the gem before leaning into the larger mech. “I want you Megatronus.”_

***Beeeep, Beeeeep***

_The larger mech burst out laughing, tucking his own piece away before grabbing Orion and rolling him onto his back. “Insatiable, I swear.” He muttered as he began to kiss Orion’s neck cabling and the smaller mech moaned openly._

***BEEEEEP, BEEEEP***

_Orion smiled up at his mate, his optics flashing. “You wouldn’t want it any other way.”_

***BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP, BEEEEEEEEEEP, BEEEEEEEEP***

_Their frames began to move, caressing one another with practiced ease, and Orion vented out raggedly as his frame heated up. “UHHHH! YES! PLEEASE!?” He exclaimed when a resounding _ **BANG ** _sounded from somewhere around him and he pulled his helm up as he peered into the forest in confusion. _

** _What was tha…_ **

**“OPTIMUS WAKE UP!”**

**…………………..**

Optimus cried out as a servo shook his shoulder, his frame standing so fast his chair went flying back and he almost fell back as well but that same servo saved him by grabbing his arm and pulling him forwards.

His servos slammed onto his desk as Optimus came back to himself, his most recent dream still alive and vivid in his mind and he was more than aware of the tears in his optics as well as the lubricant that was dripping from his panels. **_F-Frag, frag… What, what happened?_**

“Sorry about that, Optimus but you weren’t answering my hails and this… This can’t wait.”

Optimus groaned, shaking his helm before turning to find Ratchet standing next to him, the already white mech looking almost translucent as he waited impatiently for Optimus to get his wits about him.

“R-Ratchet?” Optimus inquired groggily, frowning as he saw the worry and concern on the older mech’s faceplates. “What is wrong?” He asked far more seriously, his already hammering spark pulsing faster.

“Uhhh, you… You might want to sit down for this Prime.” Ratchet answered, suddenly sheepish and the change surprised Optimus until he realized where Ratchet was looking and he realized it was at the mess between his legs.

As Optimus turned from him growling in frustration at himself and those wretched, wonderful dreams, the medic’s blush grew brighter. “Hey, I… I am sorry but I gotta say I am not surprised Optimus. That… Ahem, that is perfectly normal, considering.”

The Prime froze, his once racing spark frozen and frame stiff. **_What, what does he mean by that? What does he know!? DOES HE KNOW!?_**

He spun his optics wide as he stared at the medic in hardly controlled horror. “What is normal, Ratchet?” He asked, forcing his voice to remain even and nonchalant though he felt like fainting.

The medic looked at him oddly for a klik before walking back and grabbing the chair. “Like I said, you should be sitting, you already look pale.” He remarked as he righted the chair and brought it behind Optimus before helping the stiff mech into it.

Optimus let himself be led down, his processor was firing off at incredible speeds and he had to manually override his battle protocols from firing to life. **_This, this is FINE! It is about time you come clean anyways… He deserves to know, your team does and… And I need HELP!_**

He smiled nervously as he watched Ratchet move around to the front of the desk, the medic venting out heavily before sitting in the small chair on that end.

The two bots stared at each other for a klik, each pale and anxious looking before both of their intakes opened and jumbled words fell out.

Optimus exclaimed sadly. “I should have asked for help before.”

And Ratchet. “Optimus you are sparked.”

Optimus and Ratchet blinked at one another, each trying to sort through the other’s message.

“Wait, what?” Ratchet asked in amazement. “Did you know?” He peered up, actually relieved that the mech knew of the insane news yet when he found Optimus’s faceplates he just became more confused as the Prime stared at him in horror. “O-Optimus? Did… You didn’t know, did you?”

Optimus felt like the world had stopped moving, a distinct ringing filling his audials as he stared straight at Ratchet and Ratchet alone. “Wh-what?” He asked, his voice hardly over a whisper and Ratchet sighed.

“Optimus, I… I am bad at sugar coating things… I should have told you in a more tactful…

“WHAT DID YOU SAY!?”

The medic jumped back a bit in his chair at the usually stoic Prime’s outburst but quickly forgave it. **_Carrier’s normally have heightened emptions, it isn’t his fault… Nevermind learning such news from me of all mechs. _**

“You… Optimus I ran through that diagnostic this morning. The reason you have been so sick and such is, frag Optimus you are sparked.” Ratchet said with a small sad smile.

The Prime nodded jerkily, his optics flickering slightly and the medic across from him wasn’t certain if he should move closer to the mech in case he fainted.

**_That isn’t even the hardest part of all this. _**Ratchet lamented as he cleared his vocalizer and steeled himself for what he was about to say. **_Primus give me strength._**

“Optimus, now… I know this is a lot but I need to know, have you interfaced with any of the crew recently? Please don’t be embarrassed if you did, but I need to…”

“N-no… No I… No one.” Optimus stammered, his vision tunneling as he continued to stare unblinking at the smaller mech.

Ratchet sat back in his chair, his helm nodding slowly as his dermas set in a tight line. “Optimus… You, you know what that means then, yes?” He asked slowly, carefully Optimus looked like he was only moments from either going into a total panic or shock. “Someone on the… Arrgh, when you were on the Nemesis, you interfaced and given your history… Optimus I, I am nearly certain you are carrying Megatron’s sparkling.”

Those words seemed to pull Optimus from his shock and finally he blinked at the medic and almost burst out into laughter, almost.

Of course it was Megatron’s! He knew it was, he had known about them interfacing for weeks, he knew almost everything that happened on the Nemesis now! It had haunted him, driven him to the brink and back FOR WEEKS and, and to have Ratchet sitting here and so mournfully, angrily tell him it… It was just…

“I, I need a moment.” Optimus grated quietly, half afraid he would break out into mad fits of laughter and half afraid he would crumble into a sobbing, raging mess.

Ratchet sighed and scanned over him closely. “Optimus, I am not sure being alone right now is the best…’

“_Please_?” Optimus pleaded, his voice hardly audible yet his desperation was clear and Ratchet relented.

“Alright, I will give you some time to, to sort through somethings. I… I am gonna check up on you a bit afterwards though ok? I, I need to do some tests, if that is alright?” Ratchet asked but stood as Optimus mutely nodded in response.

Another sigh pulled from the medic as he got to the door, his optics dim as he glanced over his shoulder at his oldest friend. “Optimus you, you aren’t alone in this and… And don’t think for an instant that if you choose to… Well, I won’t judge you if you choose not to keep it.”

Optimus’s already wide optics bulged at the medic’s words, his vents ceasing as he peered at Ratchet and he felt his spark fall to his tanks for how serious he looked back at him. “U-Understood.” Was all Optimus said before he had to look away and he stayed looking away until he heard the medic open the door and walk out.

Once the door was closed Optimus broke. “S-Sparked… Sparked…. They hate him! They hate him and I hold his… Megatron hates ME! He could, he could use this… He could… Ohhhh, GODS!” Tears flowed from him, his servos shaking as they clawed at his faceplates.

Why, why this!? Why on top of EVERYTHING ELSE!? What was he to do!? If he kept it then, then Megatron might target the sparkling and, and would his team even accept it? Would he just have a sparkiling to have to run from everything he loved to keep it safe!?

Where COULD he RUN!?

There was no cave for this, no dreams to escape into… This was real! This was happening and he had NO ONE to TURN TO but some FRAGGIN USELESS RECORDER!?

Optimus’s optics fell to the little thing, the one thing that he had been able to talk to, to open up to about all of this and he laughed bitterly how it seemed this lifeless tool had been more of a friend to him than any living creature. **_Well that and Megatron’s data pad, I suppose… At least through them I do not feel so lost and I can actually understand things b… Wait._**

He stared at the recorder for a moment, his servo reaching out and grasping the little thing before turning it over and hitting a button on the bottom and he watched as the data stick inside immediately popped out.

He grasped it gently, pulling it the rest of the way out and twisting it as he thought. **_I, I have laid myself bare on this, just… Just as Megatron did on his data pad. Through that I have learned so much about him, I have come to see a different side and not only in dreams or memories but in real time… So… So could, could this do the same for him?_**

His servo was shaking now as he considered, truly considered the plan that was forming in his processor. Would it work? Was he ready for it?

Technically he could ask questions for eons and never come up with a clear answer but, he didn’t have the luxury of time. He wasn’t alone in this anymore, not really. He now had a sparkling to consider, one that could possibly be created in less than a year, if he remembered gestation periods correctly.

He needed to act.

No more hiding, no more secrets, no more diaries… He needed to make a _choice_.

** _If this all goes wrong I will just end up running from everyone anyways so… So might as well try._ **

He stood then, his frame still trembling but it wasn’t just out of fear. For so long he had hidden things, tortured himself day in and out, took this on alone and now… Well, who knew!

A smile, albeit a small one, rose on his faceplates as his courage bloomed. **_I CAN do this! I WANT to! _**

His smile widened as he opened his subspace, gently placing the data stick, the proof of his love, of how he was changing, remembering inside when a glitter of something caught his optic and he gasped. His servo moved, his digits careful as they grasped the glittering crystal and he brought it to his faceplates.

** _Now, now it will all be perfect, my love!_ **

** _………………………_ **

Getting out of the base undiscovered wasn’t nearly as hard as he thought it would have been as Ratchet was in his med bay with the doors closed mumbling to himself and everyone else seemed to be recharging still.

Luckily Optimus didn’t need a ground bridge to get where he was going because it was so close so all he needed to do was sneak past the small clinic, down the outer tunnel and then, _he was free!_

He smiled as he transformed, shutting down his radio and locators for now as he began his drive. He knew he would be quick so it didn’t matter if they were off, he just didn’t want the beeping alerting Ratchet that he had left.

** _I will go, plant the stick into his data pad and leave! Then he can view all of it on his own and we can proceed from there! Ohhh… I hope… NO! No hoping, just do and we will see!_ **

He made good time to the cave, the early morning sands far stiffer because of the cooler air, driving in the afternoon was almost like trying to tread water or oil even. He peered around him making sure no one else was around, he was rather good at it now, before making his way inside.

Just as he was about to make it to the large cavern Optimus realized something, he was excited. Not only was he excited but he, he was happy! He wanted to berate himself for being so happy but honestly, he needed this!

He laughed as he walked to Megatron’s little spot, moving the rock and pulling out the battered data pad with glee. He then opened his subspace and pulled out his stick and just as he was about to place it inside he had a thought.

** _One more message._ **

Though he didn’t have his recorder, so he wouldn’t be able to film himself, he could at least record what he saw and his voice would be heard. He was pleased with the idea as he sat down, plugging the data stick into the back of his helm as he vented in deeply and started the recording.

“Megatron… I… It is Optimus,” He started awkwardly, a blush glowing on his faceplates. **_Get it together mech! Say what you need to say, damnit!_**

He cleared his vocalizer, his processor running through the many things he needed to say, wanted to say. “Megatron, this is Optimus and… And I… Well, this is for you, from me. It holds everything I have wanted to say, everything that has happened since, since I left you and… So much has happened. Please give me a moment of your time, please let this show you that, that I need you. I need your h-help, I need your support, I need… I, I love you Megatronus and never before have I needed you as terribly as I do now.”

He paused, wondering if perhaps that sounded as awful as he thought it did and he was about to erase it and remake a new message when he heard voices coming from the mouth of the cave!

**_NO! _**He scrambled, quickly ejecting the data stick from his systems but it always took so fraggin LONG! He shook in the little space as the information embedded itself onto the device, his optics going from the datapad to the tunnel when he stopped in surprise. **_Wait, that isn’t Megatron but… But Airachnid?_**

He frowned, wondering just what she might be doing coming down to Megatron’s space but as his helm beeped he ignored the oddity of that and ripped the data stick out, sticking it inside the pad and hiding both behind the rock before he RAN to his usual hiding space.

His pedes skid in the sands, his frame trembling so badly he was afraid his plating might give him away when he saw the femme saunter down the last few feet of the tunnel, two insecticons following after her.

**_What is she doing here? _**He wondered quietly hoping the moss, fungus, and general wetness would help cover his scent from the large bugs. He grabbed a bit of the damp sands and fungus around him and rubbed it over him quickly.

“Well look at this_ dump_. Imagine _my_ surprise when I found out _this_ is where our mighty Lord has been sneaking off to so often.” The femme sneered as she walked right past Optimus and her two _guards_ followed without a sniff in Optimus’s general direction.

Airachnid stopped into the middle of the cavern, her optics narrowed in disgust. “So this is what is keeping him sane these days? His little oasis. Rather sad that it is a pit of fungus and mud though, certain creatures thrive in_ filth_.”

Optimus forced the growl that was forming back down his throat as he watched her. **_What is she planning? _**He fisted his servo, wondering if he should just attack her but he was afraid doing so would just lead Megatron to abandon the cave as the fight would obviously leave marks that even Optimus couldn’t clear away in time, and he certainly didn’t want Megatron thinking he did it on purpose… That would ruin everything!

Airachnid sighed, wiping at her shoulders as she motioned to her _pets_. “Well, get started.” Was all she said and suddenly the insecticons were off.

Optimus narrowed his optics, uncertain what they could possibly do to a stone structure when he watched the insects begin to spew acid from their intake, coating all the walls in the disgusting liquid and he almost panicked for the glowing moss but vented out as he realized the acid hardly effected the plant beyond spraying some of it off here and there.

**_I don’t understand what she is planning but it doesn’t seem very effective. _**He thought to himself, but he reached out and grabbed some samples of the moss from the rock in front of him and subspaced them just in case. **_I am sure if the acid erodes the plant too much all it would take is another spore to help it grow once more._**

He curled into himself as one insecticon neared him, the massive creature spewing more of the vile acid along the wall above him and Optimus had to place a servo over his intake as some splashed down on his shoulders and helm.

Finally, once all the walls were covered Airachnid smiled and began walking back towards the exit. “Ugh, now it smells as bad as it looks.” She complained yet there was joy in her voice and she stopped right before the tunnel’s entrance. “Let’s see how our unstable Master handles this blow.” She said as she raked her claws across the rocks, sparks flying as it traveled and suddenly Optimus realized EXACTLY what the femme was doing.

** _She is going to burn it all!_ **

Immediately after he thought that the sparks reached the acid and the wall was set ablaze!

“BURN BABY BURN!” The femme cheered before turning and running for the exit, the two insecticons following after.

**_I need to run! This place is going to heat up like an oven in no time! _**Optimus thought as he watched the wave of fire work its way around the walls of the cavern, quickly eating all of the brilliant moss in its path. He knew this acid would burn for a long time, increasing the temperature more and more as time passed. He wasn’t sure what that type of heat could do to an underground space after a while but he had no desire to find out!

He ran to the exit, his vents already clogging with the poisonous smoke that came from the acid burning away when he skidded to a stop. **_The DATA PAD!_**

He spun, his optics narrowed for the smoke and heat as he ran back to Megatron’s spot. The flames had successfully made it around the entire cavern wall at this point, the temperature rising by the nano-second and Optimus feared the datapad wouldn’t hold up in the heat.

**_I have to get it! I have to make sure he sees that first otherwise he may not LISTEN! _**He threw the rock cover away, hissing as it burned his servos and quickly grabbed the data pad before sub spacing it. His plating could handle heat better than many things on Earth but even he was getting so hot that he could feel his painting being to peel

**_R-Run! _**Optimus turned back around, coughing as he tried to vent through the noxious gas, the smoke sticking to his vents like tar and quickly eroding at the metal there as he stumbled to the exit.

** _Don’t, don’t stop moving… C-Can’t stop! _ **

His vision was tunneling, his optics blinking away the soot and acid and he staggered forwards all the while begging, pleading to make it to the top. **_Primus please, please… I have a sparkling… I, I need help… Please!?_**

He tilted his helm up, his frame burning from helm to pede and he was certain he had lost half of his paint at this point but finally he saw a light from the gloom of smoke. **_L-Light… There is a light!_**

Step by step he moved, coughing so raggedly now that he fell to his servos and knees, vomiting terribly but still he went on… **_D-don’t s-stop… Don’t stop… Gods, h-help me…_**

He dragged his frame forwards, his servos clawing into the earth with each inch he crawled. **_M-move… Move…_**

Finally light filtered through the smoke, blinding him as a sheet of grey smoke was all he could see and then, he passed through it. **_Arrrgh GODS! AIR!_**

Optimus whimpered as he continued his pathetic journey, his frame hissing as its metal contracted to the far cooler air and he screamed as some of it cracked under the pressure, splintering as long jagged cracks tore across it but finally, FINALLY he was out of the oven.

He crawled another twenty feet before he collapsed, his frame sizzling as it hit the sands and he screamed for the contact. It felt like he was on fire and he nearly started patting himself except he was too weak to do so, so he just lay there…

He stayed there until his engine sputtered, clogged with the poison that stuck to it, that choked it and with a mournful cry he fell into stasis lock but one last thought tore through him before darkness took over all…

** _Oh no… He, he will think it was me… Ohh gods… He will kill me, he will kill his s-sparkling…_ **

And then, darkness fell and the pain was gone.

………………………………

It was the scream that woke him.

Optimus coughed, his frame blistered and paint flaking readily from his frame as he raised his muddled helm from the sands. **_Oh… It is night. _**He thought to himself before turning back to the source of the scream that had woken him from the bliss of stasis and he felt his spark ache as he found Megatron on his knees before the cave’s entrance.

The silver mech was shaking terribly, his plating rattling as smoke continued to billow from the tunnel and, of course it was just as Optimus moaned, when Megatron’s attention fell to him that the cave crumbled. 

A _wooosh_ of scorching hot air blew over them before dust filled the air and a deep rumble sounded from below the earth… The cavern had finally collapsed.

Optimus whimpered as Megatron screamed, his deep voice thundering over the noise and destruction of his hideaway, of his one source of hope, of peace, healing… And Optimus cried with the titan.

** _P-Please… It is not all lost! I, I saved some of a-all of it… Don’t break further Megatronus. Y-you need to be s-strong f-for me and… And our s-sparkling…_ **

Megatron turned his helm then, his optics alight with fire, his frame trembling with fury as he focused on Optimus and the Prime keened. **_It… It wasn’t me… P-please love… It wasn’t…_**

“ARRRRRRRRGH! MONSSSTERR!”

Optimus cried out as he watched Megatron pull a blade from his sub-space, the larger mech mad in his fury as he ran towards the fallen Prime and all Optimus could do was close his optics as he felt a choking servo grip the back of his throat and suddenly he was ripped from the sands and slammed against a wall of stone.

“YOU BAAAASTARD! Must you take all of HIIIIIM!?” Megatron shrieked into Optimus’s faceplates, his spittle raining upon the Prime as he tried to vent, tried to explain what actually happened but his vocalizer was crushed.

“DAAAAMN YOOOOU! DAMN YOUU TO THE PIIIITS PRIME!” Megatron screamed and suddenly Optimus gasped as a new fire tore through his chassis and he peered down to find Megatron’s blade inserted deep into his abdominal plating.

** _N-Nnnnoooo. No, I… I love you… Please s-stop…_ **

Megatron roared, his servo pulling back, ripping the blade back through Optimus before slamming it back in again… And again, and again….

“S-SPARKLIIIINNNNG!” Optimus screamed as agony filled him, his frame limp against the stone and servo that held him up and suddenly Megatron stopped his assault.

“Wh-_what!?”_ The warlord snarled, his rage still right at the edges of his sanity when the Prime opened his subspace and three items fell out.

Megatron blinked, staring as a hedge of moss, a crystal, and Orion’s datapad fell out. “Wh-what is this?” Megatron asked, his voice far softer now and he looked up at Optimus in confusion yet the mech he held was barely conscious now. “O-Optimus what…”

“L-Lied… S-Secrets…” Optimus sputtered out through energon filled coughs that assaulted him and suddenly, unconsciously Megatron cradled the dying mech to him as he lowered them both to the cool night sands.

“Optimus… What, what are you…” Megatron started, his anger deflating as he held the mech he had been avoiding for so long… The now dying mech…

“L-Love…”Optimus gasped, his optics flickering as he looked up at Megatron’s and the warlord froze as all he saw in that moment was Orion. 

** _No, no that cannot be! Orion is gone! He is! He was taken from me BECAUSE OF this mech!_ **

Optimus forced himself to vent; maybe he couldn’t save himself but the s-sparking… That would be enough. It’d be enough.

“Lo-love Megat… Megatronus… S-sparked…” Megatron’s optics bulged at the words yet still Optimus struggled on. “Love… Love y-you… M-member things n-now… D-data pad… P-Prove… Prove everything.”

Megatron felt his optics burn as Optimus’s shaking servo came to the side of his helm and he felt his spark shudder as the Prime whimpered with pain in his arms. “O-Optimus, I…”

“L-love…” Optimus said, his smile lifting in that wondrous way Orion’s always had until his optics flickered and with a gentle vent his frame fell limp in Megatron’s arms.

“Optimus?” The silver mech asked gruffly, shaking the frame in his arms in frustration more than care but as the mech continued to not answer, and his vents turned shallow Megatron felt his panic grow.

The warlord shook his arms, Optimus’s frame shifting in between them but beyond that, nothing. He moved, holding the Prime more carefully even as his spark thundered in his chest. “Come on mech! _Come on_! WAKE UP, Optimus. WAKE UP!” He screamed angrily, his desperation and confusion with everything eating at his spark like acid. 

_**He needs to... I, I don't understand... **_His helm lowered then, his processor reeling. 

“Optimus?” Megatron whispered, his arms continuing to shake the Prime but no response came from the mech. Megatron growled, shoving the smaller mech harder as he willed him to awaken. “What do you mean SPARKLING!? What do you mean you remember!? OPTIMUUUUS!?”

The warlord knelt there his frame steaming with the poisonous smoke, his plating soaked with the energon that spilled from Optimus and, and he just felt lost.

As lost as he had been since Orion’s reappearance, since his loss, since…

** _Optimus mentioned a, a sparkling!?_ **

Throung his loss, through his storm he spotted the data pad, _Orion’s_ data pad, and found a new stick attached…

“SOUNDWAVE! I need a GROUND BRIDGE!” He cried into his radio as he held Optimus close.

** _Oh gods… Wh-what have I done!?_ **


	2. Megatron

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are SOOOO AWESOME SAUCE! Thank you for such support on this! I really have enjoyed writing it, so much so that instead of 2 chapters I think I will do three... UGH! I can't help myself... I am awful. Ok, this chapter we see Megatron's take on much of what has gone on and I think the third... THE LAST...(probably) Will about them both if Optimus doesn't die...  
Oh... Sorry if that hits fresh wounds for those that read other stuff of mine... Ahem, ANYWHO! YAY!  
Sorry for errors, and enjoy!  
Oh and I am changing the story's title cause I meant to literally make two parts other than two chapters soo... Now it needs a different title... I wonder what? If you have Ideas let me know!

Megatron sat in his quarters, his frame shaking as he stared down at the data pad in his servo. **_Orion…_**

His helm lifted when he heard pede steps out in the hall immediately fearing it might be Knockout and he almost stood from his massive chair, uncertain what type of news the medic would bring him yet all his worry seemed for naught as the calm steps passed by his door.

He sighed, sitting back in the chair wearily, today had been a nightmare for the warlord.

It had begun with his officers calling him to a meeting, one he was sure was a long time coming for his lack of action… They had been suspicious of him for weeks now, many whispering behind his back, spouting lies that he had lost his edge that he was unstable, that he wasn’t fit to lead since he lost Orion and honestly, he wondered if they were right.

Starscream and Airachnid had been the ring leaders in the discussion, the filthy flyer had just come _crawling_ back to him and already was presenting his scheming side again. That he even teamed up with the wretched femme Airachnid to challenge Megatron was telling as well… Yet, it hadn’t been just him.

Shockwave, Breakdown, even _Soundwave_ had expressed growing concern for his mental health only Knockout had remained silent, much to the warlord’s surprise. **_Fragger is all about romance anyways, probably has some wild fantasies of me losing it over love… Idiot._**

Though, considering the circumstances he was grateful for the medic’s decidedly un-Decepticon like obsession with star-crossed love as he now had Optimus’s life and that of… Of his sparkling’s in his servos.

** _Optimus is sparked, sparked with my child. _ **

His optics dimmed, their red light flickering slightly as they lowered to his scarred servos that were folded in his lap. **_Sparked…_**

That had been one of the first things he had had Knockout confirm when he brought the accursed Prime on board. Megatron had been in a state of confusion, fear, and fury… If Optimus had lied about something like that just to keep himself alive he would have ended the mech in an instant but…

He had told the truth.

Optimus Prime was now carrying his sparkling and no, he had no absolute way to tell it was his until it began frame creation in the smaller mech’s gestation chamber but he seriously doubted Optimus would have been with any of his crew since leaving. His confidence was especially strong because when he and Orion had first interfaced after Unicron he had been amazed that Optimus’s frame still had his seals…

**_Thousands and thousands of vorns at war and not once had he been with another… _**Megatron sighed, his helm falling back as he stared at the ceiling of his quarters. **_He has never been touched either as Orion or Optimus by any but… But me. Optimus… Why?_**

He had thought of this that first night he and Orion had been together intimately after his return, his love soundly in recharge next to him as Megatron stayed awake reeling from the reality that had unexpectedly dropped into his undeserving lap. He had suddenly had Orion back, a mech he had thought was lost forever, that had been stolen from him by the power of Gods and then… Then _poof_, there he was.

It had been like, like a gift the Decepticon leader had never fathomed possible or, or at least never one he would be given. Why_ him_ of all mechs? He had lived a very long time and he knew his life long struggle with fate was always a dark and unfair one so… So to have had Orion again seemed like a colossal screw up by some poor spark out there in the cosmos and at first he didn’t even want to get close to the mech! He had been too afraid that mistake would quickly be remedied because no one like him deserved such a gift, even he was certain of that, and he was certain the whole debacle would end in chaos and tears…

** _Well, I wasn’t wrong but, but it didn’t happen nearly as fast as I thought it would._ **

He had avoided Orion as best he could, choosing just to use him in an analytical way and get through the database but… But he had never been strong when it came to Orion.

It was only the second night, hardly any words or time spared for the lost Prime at that point when Orion had come seeking _him_. He had been in his quarters, keeping himself busy and aloof by going through the datapads concerning energon mines when there was a light knock at his door. Carelessly Megatron had told whomever it was to come in just to realize that the rap was far too soft to be any of his soldiers.

He had tried to recover, tried to rush to slam the door shut, jumping up so fast his chair had gone flying out behind him and the datapads had all crashed to the floor as he leapt over his desk but he was a second too slow and only made his desperate fear all the more evident as he slid to a panicked halt as Orion’s sad faceplates appeared in the cracked open door.

The smaller mech had blinked in surprise as the chair crashed into the wall and the datapads continued to drop down to the floor until he finally peered up at Megatron’s blazing optics and… And he had just looked so broken and alone.

“You… You are avoiding m-me.” Orion’s voice had been so soft, so mournful, and lonesome sounding before he nodded sadly and turned. “Forgive the interruption, Lord Megatron.” Was all the mech said as he closed the door and began walking away.

Megatron had stood there in shocked silence after the door closed, his vents strangled, as strangled as his spark when a gentle sob was heard from out in the hall and his resolve crumbled to ash.

He had thrown open the door, perhaps too violently as it slammed into the wall behind it and he saw Orion jump fearfully from the sound, the little mech staring in fear as Megatron stomped up to him and abruptly wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close.

“Forgive my weakness, love.” Megatron had whispered as he held so, _so_ tightly to Orion berating his cowardice the entire time. His shame grew as Orion fell apart in his arms, the little mech’s sobs growing in volume as he slumped against Megatron.

“I don’t know… I don’t know a-anything M-Megatronus!” Orion had blubbered to him, his own arms shaking as they hesitantly wrapped around Megatron and burrowed his helm against his chest. “I am s-sorry I am n-not _right_. I am s-sorry I w-was a-asleep so long! I d-didn’t m-m-mean to b-be l-lost when you n-needed… When you NEEDED me! Ohhhh…”

Those words splintered Megatron’s spark each piece stabbing through memories, through battles, through speeches… All that had come since losing his love, all he had done and Orion had no idea of any of it.

“I n-never want to l-leave you a-again but I am so afraid I… That I _w-will_.” Orion had continued, his fears mirroring Megatron’s and the warlord hated that his mate was struggling with the same nightmares as he was, only… Only Orion was far,_ far_ more lost than Megatron was.

Orion had no memories but from before the war, he was on a warship locked in a room and kept in the dark about everything, he had no connections to anyone, he had been told his oldest friend Ratchet had betrayed them and, and to top _all of that _the one mech that was supposed to _love_ him, was supposed to be _there for him_ couldn’t even look him in the optics.

Megatron had made a decision then, a _painful, _sure to _fail_ decision but life was too short…

“I am afraid you will to that _sleep_ as well, my love. That is why… That is why I have hidden away from you. F-forgive my weakness as that is unfair to not only you but, but _us_.” He had told the lost Prime, lifting his love’s helm up and wiping the tears away as he smiled down at those wonderfully endless orbs of crystalline light.

“Perhaps I will lose you once more Orion but, but I don’t want to live for fear of it! I, I want to _live_ Orion… I want to take every moment with you and _revel_ in its splendor! Forgive me for being weak but…” Megatron had sighed his shoulders slumping as he begged for forgiveness from the light of his life, pleaded with him to understand all the while keeping him in the dark of so many horrible truths. “Do you have it in your spark to give this old fool a second chance?”

The light that had filled Orion’s optics then had felt like the Gods themselves were smiling at him, the heavens sang and, and best of all… Orion’s arms had finally stopped shaking.

“K-kiss me?” The timid Archivist had requested softly, his frame frozen for fear of rejection but as Megatron lowered his helm and their lips touched for the first time in eons both he and Orion came together as they always had, naturally, beautifully, perfectly.

It had felt like Megatron’s life had restarted in that moment, like he _too_ had been sleeping for far too long and now had_ finally_ re-awoken with his long lost love’s embrace.

What had started as an innocent kiss had turned more heated as it deepened, Megatron’s control faltering as he realized just how_ alive_ he felt, how alive_ Orion_ was… That he was_ there_, actually _THERE_ RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM…

He was perhaps rougher than he meant to be but Orion had not protested a moment as he was pressed against the wall and he allowed Megatron to crumble before him. The warlord’s servos scoured over the entirety of Orion/ Optimus’s frame trying to ignore how this frame had been the focus of all of his rage for so long and that had just added to his wild confusion and lust he was lost in.

Orion had merely cried and whimpered under his mad servos, his helm lifting to the sky as he gasped with each touch, telling Megatron it was ok, that he loved him… That he _loved him!_

He had grabbed the mech, picking him up and cradling his frame as he walked them to his quarters, kicking the door open with abandon before lying Orion upon his berth and it was there he stopped. His frame had been heaving, his plating flared in fear and heat as he scanned over the ethereal visage of the mech beneath him…

It was Orion and Optimus entwined. Both mechs looked up at him in that moment and no matter how desperately he wanted to ignore the latter, he was there…

Megatron had hesitated, his spark clenching with fury and apprehension… To accept Orion he would have to accept a part of Optimus as well and that, he knew even then, would have lasting consequences.

Orion had whimpered then, meekly looking away as he tried to understand Megatron’s hesitancy with him. “Megatronus… I, I feel there is so much you aren’t telling me.” He had whispered, his beautiful optics peeking at the warlord just a moment before looking away once more. “This frame it… It haunts you, _why_?”

That had struck the silver mech, a question he hadn’t thought up a lie for, something he hadn’t prepared for and… And he had hung his helm miserably in response.

“Please Orion I… There are some things I, I can’t answer yet. Please…” He had pleaded pathetically, his spark breaking for all the lies, all the holes he kept creating within his love’s spark and mind.

Megatron had never seen much of what he had done in his life as _evil_ but in that moment he had felt like the cruelest creature to exist in any universe. Little did he know at the time with that tiny slip, that small bit of self-awareness a snowball of regret had begun to roll, metaphorically, and would continue to grow in size and speed as time passed.

He had made love to Orion then, his servos shaking but soft as he re-claimed Orion’s and Optimus’s seal and he felt an odd sliver of guilt at taking the Prime’s without his consent but he wasn’t certain why.

When Orion had finally fallen into a peaceful slumber afterwards Megatron had stayed awake, sitting on the edge of his berth as he held his helm tightly and fought against all of the demons that screamed at him old and, and all those that were new…

He had warred with himself, half of him saying frag everything but _his_ pleasure,_ his_ needs but that was just to keep the other _louder_ demons at bay.

He had looked over at Orion, scanning over him again and again and no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t _not_ see Optimus there too. It was maddening as well as it was alarming. For as much as he hated the Prime he had realized then how well he knew the mech, far better than he realized at least.

His digits had softly trailed over the familiar plating but it wasn’t Orion’s but his mortal enemy’s. He knew the scars he had inflicted on the mech, brushing over them carefully as he frowned. This one was from the battle over the Southern desert, that one from before they left Cybertron in defense of the Crystal City, this one when Iacon fell, that one from just weeks ago…

It was like reading a story, one of pain and strife and though Orion didn’t remember it, it was written over his entire frame and Megatron was the reason for most of them.

That was when the walls deep inside of him began to crack, much like the rolling ball of regret, and the torture only continued as the days went on. When Orion would laugh but suddenly stumble from a worn out joint, one Megatron had injured on Optimus…

_Crack._

When the mech would have nightmares and yet not understand why there was so much death and screams…

_Crack!_

When they would be reading of Cybertron and Orion cried at its loss, at the loss of so much life…

_CRACK!_

When Orion and he would be making love, gasping and moaning under him and a flicker of Optimus’s memory filtered through and he would scream in terror at his touch…

_CrAcK!!_

There were so many moments, so many unexpected demons Megatron needed to face inside of his spark and what_ life_ truly was when Orion was there yet he forced himself to face them all. He faced all of them just to hold the mech one more time, to kiss him, to hear him laugh all the while falling apart on the inside that was until… Until Orion grew too suspicious and everything fell to chaos.

It was his fault, Megatron knew that… He hadn’t been honest with the most deserving mech in all the known universes and, and he paid for it dearly in the end.

When Orion had finally, perhaps painfully come to his senses and faced off against him Megatron had faced his greatest and most deadly adversary that day… Himself.

He had thrown Orion away from him, the smaller mech had never been a fighter and was already so lost, it had been _easy_ to beat him to the ground but, but when Orion looked up his optics large and glistening with tears Megatron saw exactly _what_ he was, and _who _ he had become and that… That had been a blow even Optimus had never given him and the crack that had formed because of it was only ripped open further as the Matrix was returned to his love and then, he was gone.

A moment, a moment and the light of Orion was once again obliterated by the monstrous Prime!

Megatron had RAGED! His fury going then to Optimus, ignoring his own faults as he focused all on the Prime until their first fight after Orion…

He had been excited to destroy Optimus, his anticipation tangible and vengeance sharp. He had been more than eager to tear into the vile mech for what he had taken and he had fought far more viciously getting a magnificent strike on the mech, knocking him to the ground but… But then Optimus had looked up at him, just as Orion had and, and_ everything_ Megatron had faced, every terrible shameful thing he had had to deal with, work through with Orion had suddenly come to the forefront of his mind and he couldn’t finish the fight… He left and it was then he realized he was beginning to have a very real problem on his servos.

If he couldn’t fight Optimus how, _how_ was he going to win this war!?

He had pulled away after that, pulled away from everything and everyone as he tried to work out what he was going through, what it all meant for now and the future and, and he then found his Haven.

He had been torturing himself reading Orion’s datapad, running through memories of his time upon the Nemesis when he had come across a saved entry he had quickly typed one night as Orion slept.

_~Explore Caves, Schistostega : Glowing moss.~ _And his search began.

Countless caves he went through, wasting days on the search for his prize, obsessing over it as his Decepticons began their whispers but he didn’t care, he finally had a distraction from the agony in his spark and one unassuming day, he found some… Not just _some_ but, but a cave full of the stuff and it was more beautiful than any picture he and Orion had even seen.

He had wept then, alone and broken as he mourned not being able to share this with Orion for in his mind, Orion was no more and never would be again and this, the datapad, and the hole in his spark was all he had left of the mech.

His little cove became a second home as time went on, his hideaway, his place of peace, of mourning, of memories and loss. There he could cry, he could scream, he could vent to the glittering silence and, and write…

He hadn’t written anything for so long and had only just started when Orion returned to him but, but where those had been filled with poetry and songs these writings were, well in his opinion, the most raw and spark felt writings he had ever created.

He raged in them, lamented, loved… It was the last semblance of life, of _feeling_ he had when he was in his cave and as awful as it was it, it helped keep him sane.

Suicide was something he was disgusted with, he saw it as a weakness others could suffer but never him but… But he would be lying if he said _before_ the cave that, that he hadn’t considered it. After having Orion, after feeling loved again, after laughing again, and finding his lost light how, how could he go on!?

He was alone, alone and trapped in the wretched reality _HE_ had created after Orion’s first loss but now, NOW he recognized just how twisted he had become… How twisted everything had become.

He couldn’t run from the realization as much as he wanted to, he noticed that the first time he went up against Optimus and retreated like a coward. He knew it was not Optimus that had done this to him, not really, frag the mech didn’t even remember… Or so he thought until…

** _Well, until today._ **

Today…

It had taken a few more breems to get away from the ship after that wretched meeting, his rage at those surrounding him burning in his spark and he had absorbed himself in his work. He would show those bastards he hadn’t lost his way, show them he could survive ANYTHING! It wasn’t their business if he left now and then anyways! As long as he continued to work towards the restoration of Cybertron but, but it was all different now even he had to admit that…

He had finally allowed himself to escape to his cave right before sunset, pushing past Soundwave as the mech begged to talk, well, begged as well as Soundwave could and Megatron got the distinct impression the mech was feeling badly for adding his voice to the concern spreading in his ranks but Megatron didn’t blame him because… Soundwave was right, something was wrong only, only he didn’t know who to confide in or how to deal with it so, so he just kept it to himself.

He had muttered he was fine as Soundwave shrunk in on himself and blasted off before the mech could ask harder questions and it wasn’t soon after when he saw the smoke…

Terror had filled his spark, his engines burning hotter than ever as he raced to his cave only to find it ablaze when he came to its entrance!

The silver mech had landed less than gracefully, hitting the ground too fast and rolling through the sands painfully before coming to an awful stop before the blaze… Someone had destroyed his haven, his place of peace!?

“Why…” He had whispered to no one, his spark brittle feeling, erratic in its pulses when he remembered Orion’s data pad! He had tried to get up, tried to enter the inferno and rescue it but the internal temperatures were already too high and he sobbed as his plating charred and he could go no further.

His cave was lost, the shimmering moss, his peace, and the last bit of Orion, the bit he had kept safe for so, soooo long…

“AAAARRRRRRAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH!” The scream that came from him as he fell to his knees was stuff of legend, his vocalizer burning and become garbled for the intensity when, when he heard a moan of pain come from beside him.

His helm spun, his tearing optics wide as he found none other than Optimus _fucking_ Prime lying in the sands before the cave, and it was then that his wondrous little sanctuary collapsed.

A_ wooosh_ of hot air, of soot and embers and everything that had kept a cap on his sanity was gone, GONE and, and like always only Optimus remained!

He had lost it, his processor shutting down as he ran at the Prime, words spilling from him in broken screams and red filled his vision and he stabbed, and stabbed, and stabbed until…

Until Optimus screamed the word_ sparkling_.

It was like cold oil had suddenly been poured over his scorching frame and Megatron’s insanity had ebbed enough to hear the mech’s words, at one point he even cradled the mech, perhaps unconsciously acting as he would with Orion as, as Optimus told him of lies, of secrets and how he… How _he_ loved him!

_HIM!?_

It had been an odd confession, one that included a weak plea promise with the datapad as proof, one that spoke of the sparkling and one that hinted about, about him remembering things…

Megatron sighed heavily, rolling his shoulders as the tight cabling began to knot and again peered down at not only the datapad but the crystal he had given Orion, as well as the clump of moss Optimus had saved almost like, like he knew what it meant to Megatron to have it…

What it meant to him and, and Orion.

** _He remembers? What? What does he remember exactly?_ **

He took the spore of moss, carefully dipping it into a shallow disk of water before he vented deeply and finally convinced himself to discover just what was on the datapad. **_Only one way to find out, I suppose._**

He ignored the fact that his digits trembled as he turned the pad on, surprised not to find just one entry, but dozens saved on the data stick from the Prime.

**_Might as well start from the beginning, if this fragger is sparked with my child I suppose he at least deserves a moment of my time… _**He thought in the most noncommittal tone he could muster but his spark jumped as a video feed, not a written passage, came to light on the screen and suddenly he was captivated…

The first image was of a very tense looking Optimus, the mech sitting at a desk of sort as he stared into the camera. He was silent through most of it but Megatron could hear the grinding of denta before the mech scoffed.

_“_I can’t do this_.” _A hollow whisper and the screen went blank.

**_Well that was enlightening… Let us try the next. _**He thought sarcastically as he closed the file and opened another.

The screen flickered to static for a moment as he sat back in his chair, his irritation at even giving Optimus a chance growing but then, then a far more broken visage of the Prime filled the screen.

Like the first Optimus was silent in the beginning yet it was clear he had been crying. Long streaks of coolant were present on his faceplates, he moved in jerking like motions and all of Optimus’s usual control seemed absent in the visual and then… Then, just as Optimus’s dermas opened a broken desperate sound escaped him and he fell apart.

Megatron sat up straighter, his optics narrowing as Optimus wrapped his arms around his helm, his frame clearly shaking as he began to sob.

Megatron had never seen Optimus cry and, and to see him become so undone was alarming to say the least. **_Fragger is normally stoic and orderly. _**He mused bitterly but as Optimus continued to crumble jumbled weeping pleas escaping from him the warlord couldn’t help but move closer to the screen. **_Optimus…_**

“I don’t _know!_” Optimus’s voice was muffled as he cried into his arms. “Nothing,_ nothing_ now… I see, oooohhhh, I see so many… So _many _things. Help, _help me_!?”

Megatron frowned, his promise of not allowing any emotional response faltering as he pulled the datapad towards him and tilted his helm as the Prime, _Optimus Prime_ cowered in misery before him.

“H-Help, _help me_… I am s-so lost! I need to tell someone. This hurts, it hurts too much! I am so _alone_… Ohhhh gods, _gods_… Help me _please,_ help, help… S-someone… M-make them _s-stop_… Please, please,_ pleeeease_?”

The tears and pleas stopped after a bit, Megatron uncertain how to feel about all he was seeing and then Optimus lifted his helm, his optics looking directly into the camera lens as he brokenly mumble a forbidden truth.

“I think I love you.”

It was simple and yet so very complicated and Megatron stared at the screen in silence until Optimus’s shaking arm lifted and the screen went black as the file ended.

The warlord frowned, his processor reeling over the desperate ragged words he had heard come from Optimus, the mech that was always so perfect, so resigned and never acted so unhinged… **_I think I love you, he said? Why would Optimus love me? _**

He recalled Optimus’s similar words at the cave, the mech near delirious with pain not only from his stab wounds but he had clearly been inside of the cave when the blaze started and his plating had suffered for it.

Megatron hadn’t noticed that damage at first, he had been too distraught over the cave and too confused about what Optimus had told him but, but when he had finally got him on Knockout’s lab table he had noticed the serve loss of paint as well as the numerous cracks that split the mech’s plating and it all just added to the mystery of what happened.

If Optimus had destroyed the cave how stupid would the mech need to be to stay inside of the blaze long enough to suffer for it? Nevermind, why would he have prepared this data pad, saved some moss, and collapsed outside of the scene of his crime?

Megatron shook his helm laughing bitterly as he clicked on the next file and waited for it to load, he knew Optimus hadn’t started the blaze, well_ now_ he did… _Mostly_, but keeping him a potential suspect helped ebb his guilt in stabbing the mech.

**_Arrrgh, let’s just get through this slag. If it wasn’t Optimus, as I assume it might not have been, then I have another problem to deal with later. _**He thought miserably not liking this confusion that was growing in his spark or… Or the hope.

The screen flickered to life and again Optimus sat before him yet the mech seemed far more collected if not exhausted looking. His faceplates were pale, his optics dim and strained but he smiled weakly at the lens.

“I… I am not very good at this if you hadn’t noticed.” Optimus admitted with a lopsided smirk and Megatron ignored how that slanted smile made his spark ache as he sat back in his chair, resting his chin in his servo and continued watching.

“I, I have never gone through something like this and, and it is rather terrifying.” Optimus revealed honestly as he lowered his helm and stared at his desk, he looked lost. “I, I dreamt of a place I have never been and yet when I saw it I _felt _connected to it. I have half a processor to ask Ratchet about where this location could be considering it is clearly not here on Earth but I am afraid to involve anyone with any of this so… So I just handle it alone, but it is o-okay.”

Megatron narrowed his optics at the blatant lie, Optimus as well as Orion had never been any good at lying, too much emotion in their optics and voice when they did so.

Optimus vented out on the screen, the mech’s servos rising to the desk top and twisting nervously as he looked away. “There were many little huts, it seemed a poorer town but there were smiling faceplates everywhere. I, I was in a parade or, or something and Megatron was there but I think it was Megatronus…”

Megatron scowled as anger rose in his spark. “_Bullshit_…” He muttered yet quickly quieted as Optimus went on.

“He was holding my servo and I hardly came up to his shoulder, I…” Optimus laughed as he also sat back in his chair, his frame easing as he focused on remembering. “I had to lean back to look up at him… I think I was Orion in my dream, _truly_ Orion… Perhaps it was a memory, I am uncertain but, but that scares me.”

The Prime sighed, his optics narrowing and frame becoming tense as he stared at his servos for a moment. “I am terrified that not only am I remembering what happened on the Nemesis but, but what happened in the past, _Orion’s_ past.”

Megatron looked away remembering Optimus telling him something about remembering earlier but, but he had pushed that aside, he didn’t want to believe it yet… Hearing it again made it rather hard to ignore. **_Is he truly remembering things? He mentioned the Nemesis, does he mean Orion’s time here recently and, and now also some of the past? H-how?_**

He peered back at the screen just to feel his vents freeze in his chassis as Optimus looked back at him so intensely, so fearfully and he noticed the mech’s optics filling with coolant.

“Am I disappearing? Is, is Orion going to take over me again? I… I don’t want to _disappear_.” A static filled whisper as tears fell and Megatron almost, _almost_ felt bad for the Prime.

“I don’t want to disappear but,” Optimus paused, wiping the tears away as he smiled bitterly. “But I am certain Megatron would love it.”

The warlord scoffed as he had been thinking that _very thing_ yet the pain in Optimus’s voice cut his glee short and he sighed shamefully as the mech continued.

“All of these, these memories, all of these dreams are screwing with my processor in _such ways_…” The Prime lamented, his servos going to the side of his helm as a growl escaped his intake. “I dream of him, I dream of his smiles, of him holding me, of him kissing me, loving me and I awaken to… To bitter cold and fear! I never used to fear Megatron! I knew my _place_ and that was to fight but now I fear him because, because just the thought of hurting him I… I _can’t_.”

Again Megatron found himself drawing closer to the screen the raw agony in Optimus’s voice stirring unwanted pity and… And perhaps something else from him and he realized how like Orion the Prime was acting in this file, how much he looked like the mech… Perhaps he truly _was_ becoming Orion?

“I don’t want to fight anymore!” Optimus exclaimed, his anger evident in his tired optics a perfect blend of Optimus and Orion in their dim fire. “I am so… Soooo tired! So _tired_! I am tired of dealing with this, I am _tired _of the dreams, I am _tired_ of sitting in the shadows as I steal glimpses of a mech I feel love for but should _hate_! I… Ohhh…”

As Optimus began sobbing Megatron frowned as he considered the mech’s words. **_What does he mean glimpses of me? Has, has he been watching me!? Frag, is that how he knew of the cave? How fraggin blind have I been!?_**

Suddenly Optimus moaned and Megatron looked up at the screen as the mech placed a servo over his intake, his dim optics widening as he jumped up, knocking the recorder over as he ran off the screen.

**_What the frag? _**Megatron thought, listening to the sounds of retreating pede steps just to hear a loud crash as if Optimus had fallen and then the very clear sounds of vomiting came through the speakers. The warlord grimaced yet he more felt bad for the mech than disgusted.

** _Probably because of being sparked… I wonder if he knew at this point, he hasn’t mentioned it so I imagine not._ **

There was a bit more vomiting, whimpers of pain, and Megatron was about to exit the file and move on to the next, if not for some semblance of respect for the Prime. He knew he wouldn’t want Optimus watching or listening in on_ his _weaker moments when he heard someone call to Optimus on the screen yet it was muffled like through a wall of door.

“Optimus? I heard a bang, are you alright?” Clearly Ratchet’s voice and Megatron huffed as he considered how Knockout would never coming running if he heard a bang come from Megatron’s quarters, bangs normally meant stay away or be beaten for your curiosity.

“I am f-fine old friend.” Optimus called back, his lie so obvious it was sickening yet as Ratchet just muttered an ‘Alright’ and _left him_ Megatron felt himself grow angry for the medic’s ignorance!

** _He is clearly not alright you fool! Can’t you hear the pain in his voice, what kind of a medic are you!? Get in there and help him!_ **

Apparently as he fumed Optimus had collected himself enough to stumble back to the recorder, the mech a sickly shade of white as he picked the little thing up, his servo shaking so badly Megatron only got one clear view of his faceplates before the screen turned black and the file ended.

Megatron just sat there for a moment, his digits tapping along the top of his desk as he contemplated everything he had already seen and, and if he wanted to know more.

Optimus was sparked, that alone added a weight to his reality that he had hardly had a chance to understand but that Orion’s memories were coming back to Optimus… Well what did that mean? What did that mean for him, what did that mean for Optimus, and what did it mean for the war?

So far no one on the Nemesis but Knockout knew of the sparkling and he was more than hesitant to tell the rest of his crew until he made a decision on where he and Optimus stood. If he faced them with doubt in his voice they would pull him apart in an instant…

**_Well, they could try to. _**He thought angrily but that was a scenario he wanted to avoid first, because he had little to no desire to kill half his crew and second, well with Optimus carrying his sparkling he suddenly had a very real weakness to consider.

He might not know how he felt about the Prime with all of this but he would be damned before anyone threated his sparkling… More than he had anyway.

His helm fell, his guilt at stabbing the Prime growing and he realized how worried he was for the mech but he trusted Knockout to alert him were Optimus to take a turn for the worse but still…

**_Stop, you need to understand things better first. If there is a problem Knockout will let you know._** He thought as he skimmed the files and chose one of the more recent ones and immediately narrowed his optics as he realized Optimus was filming in his cave!

**_Fragger was spying on me! _**He thought angrily yet as the Prime set up the camera right in front of his little spot he always wrote in and that sat heavily against the wall the look of sorrow on the mech’s faceplates stilled his rage, for now.

“Well, I am back here and as always, I don’t know why.” Optimus said with a sigh, his helm lifting as he scanned over something off screen. “I feel badly for following him here, secretly listening as he sings or watching as he writes but I, I can’t help myself.”

A blush fell across Megatron’s faceplates. **_He has heard me sing!? Arrrrgh, bastard!_**

Optimus lowered his helm, his servo digging into the sands under him. “Cold… He hasn’t been here in a couple of days… Arrr, is this what I have become, some sort of stalker?”

**_Evidently…_** Megatron thought to himself but there was no true anger in the thought, if anything he wasn’t sure whether to be impressed with the mech’s sneaky ways or mortified by how little he had been paying attention. **_Seems the loss of Orion has hindered me more than I thought, alright stalker, get to the point._**

He watched Optimus, the mech silent as he continued to dig his servos into the sand and just let the granules slowly slid through his digits. Megatron half wanted to shut the file off and find another but for some reason he didn’t and instead sat back with a weary vent and continued to watch.

“I,” Optimus began, the smaller mech letting more sand filter through his digits before wiping it off with a few claps and leaning against the wall as he curled his hands in his lap. “I love him.”

Megatron’s jaw tightened but he remained quiet.

“I love him and he hates me, my team hates him, and I only have you as a comfort.” Optimus said with a gentle but broken laugh as he peered into the recorder. “I keep coming back here, I keep searching for him, and keep digging myself deeper and deeper into my lies and _confusion_.”

The Prime shook his helm, his optics flashing angrily before his shoulders slumped in defeat. “I wish he would sing to me s-sometimes. Well, haha, when he knew I could hear it. I wish he would hold me like he does in my d-dreams and yet… And yet I w-wake and e-everything just h-hurts!”

Optimus placed his servos over his faceplates then, the smaller mech shaking as a ragged moan came from him. “I remember so much! Earlier t-today I… It came from nowhere, the memory just a flash and then, I am lucky I didn’t crash honestly. They just keep coming and I have NO control over when, or how to stop them! I just, I just have to take it all in…”

The Prime sighed, shaking his helm as his servos fisted in his lap. “Today I remembered Kaon when Megatronus won his first fight in front of me… I was so proud or… Or Orion was? I don’t know how to filter through my emotions anymore, I don’t know who feels what or if I am truly the only one feeling all of it. I just don’t’ know.”

Megatron’s optics widened, his vents stilling as he leaned closer. **_No… Not possible! It, it can’t be true…_**

“Anyways, I remembered it s-so vividly! I remember running to him afterwards.” Optimus said with a chuckle as he wiped the coolant from his optics and leaned his helm back against the cool stone. “So vividly like, like I was there… Frag, who am I kidding, I was.”

“No_ you_ weren’t! _Orion_ was!” Megatron snapped, uselessly of course as Optimus couldn’t hear him.

“I remember the crowds were so thick I wasn’t sure if I would be able to make it to him, everybody was so much larger than me…” Optimus smiled, his optics clouding as he looked away. “It is so strange to remember this stuff it, it is like waking from a dream or perhaps having a form of dejavu… I live for these memories now and yet loathe them at the same time.”

Optimus vented heavily, shaking his helm as his smile returned. “That was our first kiss… I remembered our first kiss today.”

Megatron sat up stiffly, his processor reeling as it sought reasons Optimus could have known that. **_Perhaps he read it on the datapad or Ratchet told him… H-how…_**

“He, he saw me before I saw him through the gaggle of all his screaming fans and suddenly the crowd parted before me, his bloodied frame coming into view…” Optimus lowered his helm. “I remember the feel of his servos slipping under me his arms shaking, probably because they were exhausted from his fight and then, even exhausted and bleeding he still lifted me up.”

Megatron felt his optics sting as he thought of the day Ori… Optimus was speaking of and a small smile came to his faceplates. He had never heard Orion’s thoughts on what happened then, when he had foolishly almost taken everything he and Orion had been building between them and destroyed it with his lack of control… He remembered Orion had looked so terrified as he cradled him close…

“I was terrified.” Optimus said as if he could hear Megatron’s thought and the warlord laughed as the Prime on the screen did. “There I was new to everything in Kaon, always timid and shy, and he lifted me up in front of all those that adored _him_ and, and kissed me! ME!?”

Optimus’s optics widened then, his faceplates so at ease and joyful that Megatron forgot he was watching Optimus, not his love. Unconsciously he raised a servo, his digits trembling as they lightly brushed over Orion’s faceplates on the screen. **_Orion…_**

“It was the most incredible, amazing, and scary thing I had ever done in my life!” Orion exclaimed, his servos going to his chest as he vented out excitedly. “Haha, when we broke the kiss I, I just stared at him in awe… I mean I was _nothing_ and he was_ everything_… That he found any sort of worth in me was just, pfffft, I was just an Archivist! He, he was like a God to bots! They worshiped him and ohhh, when I saw their faceplates afterwards I was almost certain they would come after me for taking Megatronus’s attention from them but…”

“I would never let them.” Megatron muttered and on screen Orion agreed.

“He would never let them.”

Megatron snorted smiling wider that Orion knew then that he would protect him, that he would always… Always…

“But… But all of that means nothing now, doesn’t it? B-Because _I_ am here.” The tone of Orion’s voice shifted in an instant and with it Megatron blinked as the reality of everything came flying back at him.

The warlord frowned as he pulled his digits away from the screen, his spark thumping painfully in his chassis as he now watched Optimus curl into himself on the screen.

“It is all my fault… They, they were so happy and then I came into existence.” The Prime said mournfully, his arms wrapping around his chassis as if to protect himself from something. “Sometimes… Sometimes I think these dreams and memories are, are my punishment. My punishment for taking a love like theirs and destroying it just b-by b-being a-alive…”

As tears fell from the mech’s optics and he shook in the dark cave Megatron found he had no words. He sat back, rubbing his faceplates as he moved. **_Optimus… Damnit all…_**

“I see what Megatron had and, and I don’t blame him for h-hating me… Sometimes I h-hate me t-too.” Optimus admitted, his voice thick with static. “I, I used to be so full of life, of h-hope, LOVE and n-now I… Gods I am so alone… S-so alone and it h-hurts so f-fraggin m-much, I have been alone for so long only now it hurts so much more because _now_ I _know_ what it was like to feel a-alive.”

Megatron rested his helm heavily upon his fist as Optimus sobbed once more and then leaned forwards and the screen turned black and all he saw was his reflection in the crystal. **_He hates himself, he hates himself because I hate him._**

Megatron was about to torture himself with another file when he pulled his servo away from his chin as was surprised when he felt a cool wetness run down into his palm. He frowned, his helm tilting as he looked down and realized he had been crying… He had been crying with Optimus, perhaps _for _Optimus.

Hearing the mech recount their first kiss, his awe and how little he had thought of himself had resonated with Megatron but… But to hear Optimus, the _Optimus Prime_ lament over his own existence because he felt more alive as Orion, he felt more loved, he wasn’t hated by the mech he was slowly remembering he loved… It was a journey Megatron seriously wondered if he wanted to continue.

He stared at the pad more than aware of his thundering spark and dripping optics… Did he really want to know more?

** _Yes._ **

He blinked, surprised at how quickly he thought of that answer and he tried to balance sense with emotional needs. **_If I continue down this path I… I may not be able to distinguish between Optimus and Orion any longer but…_**

But that had been happening for a while now?

He knew it had started since Orion came back to him, he had known it as he accepted Optimus’s frame and made love to it, when he pushed past the nightmares Orion would have because of his past with Optimus, when he… When he avoided the Prime after Orion just so he wouldn’t have to hurt him and as he hit another random file it seemed fate decided to rub that particularly damning lesson in hard as Optimus’s battered and bleeding faceplates filled the screen.

** _Frag it all…_ **

“Today you beat me! You beat me just like the MONSTER you ARE!” Optimus yelled at the camera and Megatron shrunk away shamefully. It was just yesterday that he had fought Optimus and the mech… He had just _taken_ it all.

“Y-you are nothing but a monster to me! You aren’t what I, what I remember o-or wh-what those awful f-fragging dreams SHOW! It is all A LIE! YOU ARE A LIE! You… Ohhhh…” Optimus sobbed his servos going to his faceplates but he stopped before they covered his face and he just stared at them.

“I couldn’t do it…” The Prime whispered softly, the pain in his voice was tangible. “I, I couldn’t. I just let you beat me and you, you don’t even know why. I d-don’t e-even kn-know why… Ohhh gods… Who a-am I? Who am I? Why, why do I l-love s-someone like y-you?”

Megatron’s guilt soared, his spark honestly aching for the mech at this point and he unconsciously covered his chest with his servo. **_Optimus damnit… I knew something was wrong… I… I am s…_**

He caught himself as he was about to apologize, his processor screaming at him for feeling anything for this mech but, but could he really deny what was happening with Optimus or him anymore… Did he even want to?

He sighed as Optimus on the screen curled up and rested his helm on his arms, his large innocent looking optics peering directly into the camera as he laughed weakly. “I, I have taken this foolish thing with me everywhere. I have recorded thoughts I do not have the bravery to tell anyone. You, you are right Megatron, I am pathetic.”

**_Optimus… _**Megatron frowned as the mech smiled then and he watched as a drip of energon came from his torn lips, the lips he had broken in their fight.

“I remembered something new today, just before… Well… Anyways, it was about that emblem you had scratched into my blades.” Optimus chuckled, wiping the tears from his optics before transforming one of his servos to his blade and looking intently at it. “I can’t believe I didn’t notice it before now, though it is small, it means forever doesn’t it? I didn’t get to remember that part and my Kaonise is a bit rusty. If that is what you call the language even.”

“Forever…” The silver mech muttered in his own mind remembering when he had carved those emblems into the blades.

Orion had asked for it, he had wanted something in case… In case he went to sleep again. Megatron had been so worried that the mech knew_ exactly_ what it meant to fall ‘asleep’ and had been terrified that Orion knew he was lying to him the entire time. Maybe the mech had become more aware by then because that was around the time his love had started searching about for information on Optimus Prime but, but still he wanted a mark, something he could take with him if he were to go away…

“_Damnit all_.” Megatron hissed, one of his servos fisting in his lap as the other gently touched the screen, rubbing his digit over Optimus’s as the mech ran his over the mark.

“Forever… But not. I… I am so confused Megatron. More and more memories keep coming to me, some from long ago, far too long ago now and… And I don’t know who I am anymore.”

Optimus’s admission instantly filled Megatron’s spark with hope but… But only for a moment as he recalled Optimus crying in the earlier file about how he didn’t want to disappear, and about how Megatron would love if he did.

The silver mech wasn’t sure how he felt about such a thing happening, not anymore at least.

Optimus sighed then, transforming his servo back and lying his helm down as he idly scratched at his desk just looking lost as ever. “Am I Orion, am I Optimus? I don’t know, but I do know it is alienating me from e-everyone.”

A whimper came from the mech, one that was far too young and far too broken to be coming from a Prime. “I am so afraid Megatron. I am so alone, I don’t know what is happening and, and the only time I feel right is when I see you… Well, when I see you but d-don’t see m-me cause then th-this h-happens. Th-this is a-all I g-get f-from you. I c-can steal poetry, I can steal songs, glances, glimpses at you but if you s-see me it just e-ends in p-pain… A-always p-pain…”

Optimus’s words stung but the warlord knew the mech wasn’t wrong. Since Optimus had awoken he _had_ received nothing but pain from Megatron; pain, hatred, vows of war, revenge… All of it coming from the mech that once loved him so, so deeply…

“I am so t-tired and I just f-feel sick a-all the time; this is wh-what I am doing t-to my-myself. Just for a glimpse of you…” Optimus vented through his tears, the mech’s battered frame relaxing on the desk as his optics dimmed. “I love you, M-Megatron, and I think it is g-going to k-kill me… I th-think you are g-going to kill me, my love.”

“Optimus...” Megatron moaned, his optics bleeding coolant as he watched the mech on the screen fall to recharge without turning the recorder off and for a moment he just watched Optimus sleep.

All the pain was now gone from Optimus’s faceplates, his frame at ease, and no more tears fell… Tears he had cried because of Megatron, always because of Megatron…

** _Look at him, going through all of this alone, afraid to speak to his team about it because they are judgmental bastards and afraid to come to me because he… He is afraid I might k-kill h-him…_ **

**_I almost did too. _**That was a bitter truth at the end of everything, one that Optimus himself had predicted and it sat poorly in Megatron’s tanks and spark.

“What the frag… What the _FRAG_!?” The silver mech hissed quietly to the empty room, his self-loathing choking him and he had only watched a small portion of all of the videos! Who knew what other damning information could be on it!? What other confessions were on here all of which led up to him stabbing the mech out of fury and now fighting for his life because AS ALWAYS Megatron couldn’t control his damn EMOTIONS!

The warlord sighed, his frame leaning back in his chair as he again lifted his helm to the ceiling, all the while listening to Optimus sleep on the screen before him… Just like he used to with Orion.

** _What have I done? What am I going to do now? He… He is regaining Orion’s memories, he is sparked with my child, and he…_ **

** _He is dying because of, of me._ **

A muffled chuckle came from the speakers on the screen pulling Megatron from his dark thoughts as he peered down at it only to see Optimus shift a bit, his dermas smiling as he slept.

**_A dream? _**He wondered, happy at least that he could bring the mech some semblance of peace, even if it was only through dreams.

** _Optimus… Orion… One in the same now, aren’t they? Now what do I do with this information? _ **

His optics trailed over Optimus’s faceplates surprised but not as he saw Orion in them. **_Orion… You are coming back to me, coming back with Optimus in tow, and… And a sparkling as well._**

A smile lifted on his faceplates at that thought, his spark warm and hopeful when his radio suddenly beeped at him in his helm and he blanched as he realized the I.D. code was from Knockout. **_Oh no!_**

“Knockout? What is it?” He asked, trying desperately to keep his voice nonchalant but he was fairly certain he had failed miserably.

**:My Lord, first your sparkling is fine and will remain so.: **The medic started, quickly reassuring the warlord of what he assumed would be the mech’s biggest concern but Megatron felt his spark ache at the words, there was a _but _coming and he feared it had to do with Optimus.

**:The Prime on the other servo is… He is in fairly poor condition my Lord. His repair systems seem to be so focused on eliminating the erosion damage from the poisonous smoke that they are draining the energon I am providing him far faster than expected.:**

Megatron frowned. “Well, add another drip! We should have plenty.”

There was silence on the other line for a second. **:I have my Lord yet that in and of its self is becoming a problem. Because he is sparked his frame is having a very hard time accepting the unknown CNA signature, it seems to be rejecting the transfusion and attacking the energon like a virus thus triggering a fevered response which again is taking more energy from his repair systems and at this point… Well he may just die from energon loss.:**

**_He IS dying!? _**His spark clenched tightly as Megatron grabbed the datapad and stood. “Knockout he cannot die! I… There has been… Arrrgh, what do we need to keep him alive!?”

When the medic spoke again Megatron was sure he heard a hint of playful suspicion in it. **:I wasn’t certain where you would fall on this matter my Liege I am happy, as a medic, that you have chosen to save the Prime.:**

Megatron rolled his optics. “Get on with it Knockout, what does he need?”

**:First, a direct transfusion of YOUR energon would probably be better for him. As it is your sparkling, or we assume it is, inside of him currently I imagine his frame wouldn’t reject it so readily.” **Knockout informed him but then fell silent for a bit.

Megatron frowned. “And second mech?” He asked, his voice a little less than impatient.

**:Ahhh, well… You see… Hmmm, how to put this…:**

“GET ON WITH IT!” Megatron snarled as he opened the door to his quarters and began stomping his way to the med bay.

**:Perhaps better said in person, my Lord.: **Knockout said stiffly and Megatron rolled his optics.

“Fine, I am on my way anyways.” He growled out as he ended the transmission and he was just about to turn the corner to the next hall when he almost slammed right into none other than Airachnid. **_Arrrgh, perfect…_**

“Ohh, forgive me my_ Lord_.” The femme drawled after she had jumped back and bowing low to him.

Megatron peered down at her darkly before merely grunting and continuing on his way. **_Why do I even deal with these foo…_**

“Lord Megatron, a moment?”

Megatron’s denta ground together so hard he was surprised he didn’t crack any of them. “What do you want femme?” He asked gruffly, glaring at her over his shoulder and watching as she approached.

“Chipper as always my Lord.” She said sarcastically before stopping right in front of him.

“My patience is waning Airachnid, if you have something to say do so now.” He rumbled, his servo tightening around the datapad as his thoughts fell to Optimus.

“Of course Master, I was just wondering something. Have you seen Starscream recently my Lord? He has been missing most of the day and last I saw he had taken some insecticons off with him.”

Megatron’s optics narrowed suspiciously. Why would Airachnid care where Starscream was unless, unless they really were working together against him. “I confess myself surprised you care at all, Airachnid.”

The femme smiled yet it was a twisted broken thing and the warlord had to keep from shuddering at the sight. “I don’t necessarily Master, but he did look awful focused and rather angry…” She shrugged as she began to move around him getting back on her path. “I just know your history with him Master, I was merely worried if he might be retaliating once again.”

Instantly Megatron’s optics began twitching, his spark hammering as he thought of his ruined haven. **_Could it have been Starscream!? Did he dare try and take that FROM ME!?_**

For a moment he couldn’t vent, his vision blurred and became red but then he heard a slight crack and all of his rage dissipated as he quickly checked the datapad in his servo, his optics wide, searching and he cursed himself as he found one of the corners had splintered but, for the most part the data pad was still intact and functional. **_Curse my anger… Forgive me Orion… Optimus…_**

He pushed his fury back as he continued on his path to the med bay, he had far more important things to worry about now. Things that, perhaps, could bring him true joy and not falsified happiness and it was then… Right then when a smile, an actual, _true_ smile came across his faceplates and he felt his spark soar.

** _Maybe, just maybe everything is going to be alright… Primus… Please let it be alright. Please…_ **


	3. Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been too long but today it just flowed... I hope you enjoy!

“You know, one of the things I enjoy most on patrols is being able to watch the wildlife of Earth. Oh look! There is something now!”

A smile split the warlord’s faceplates as the scene on the datapad he stared at suddenly panned around, the image blurring just for a second before it focused in on some small creature that was hopping across the terrain set before him.

“Ohhh, that… That is a mountain cottontail!” Optimus voice excitedly pointed out off screen. “Goodness, it says that over fifty percent of their active time is centered on feeding! Could you imagine eating half of your life away?”

The video continued, following the rabbit’s path all the way across the desert until finally it disappeared into some of the dry foliage off in the distance.

“Ohhh… It moves so fast. Perhaps I will review this footage later and take some notes.” Optimus’s voice chimed in, a twang of disappointment in his tone but overall he just sounded like a youngling that had seen the most miraculous sight in the entire universe. He sounded like Orion.

**_Orion, you were always interested in everything, even the most insignificant creatures. _**Megatron realized with a sigh, his digit pressing the screen to pause it before he leaned back in the uncomfortable chair he was sitting in and shut his optics.

**_How many times have I seen you in him now? _**He wondered, his spark aching with the thought. He turned his helm then, optics creaking open to slits as he scanned over the mech that lay unconscious beside him, Optimus Prime.

It was a strange sight to say the least, seeing the Prime on one of his ship’s medical berths. Never would he have imagined himself not only demanding the mech be repaired using his team’s resources but that his own energon was flowing into the mech was, was something else indeed.

**_Who knew I would give a part of me to keep you going. _**His tired optics then fell to his wrist, each crimson orb following the tube that was attached there to where the other end was inserted into Optimus’s arm. For nearly a breem now he had been sharing his energon with his nemesis, the life giving liquid pouring out of him in order to save a mech that just this morning he had seen as nothing more than a monster…

No. No that wasn’t exactly true, was it?

“Arrgh, frag it.” Venting out Megatron shut his optics once more and leaned back, he was so tired. Sure losing quart after quart of energon wasn’t helping but, if he was honest with himself, this whole day had been draining.

From the fire at the cave, fighting Optimus, to realizing the mech loved him and carried his young, all of the videos he tortured himself with, and now the waiting.

A low growl rumbled in his chassis. Out of everything he had gone through today the waiting seemed to be the worst, especially when Optimus would start to tremble and fight for one more gasping vent. Megatron’s spark skipped every time that death rattle of a noise sounded.

What did that say about him?

What did that say about what Optimus meant to him?

What did ANY of this say about ANYTHING!?

**_What do I do? _**He asked himself, probably for the hundredth time. Technically he was in charge of what turn fate took now. Optimus was helpless, fighting for life with every vent and he… He could just let the mech go.

Knockout had told him he could save the sparkling, that he could create a gestation chamber of sorts for the child so that Optimus’s survival would no longer be an issue in any of this so... So why was he keeping the Prime alive?

Again his optics creaked open, their crimson light falling to the datapad he held.

He knew why.

He knew why Optimus still lived, why his own energon was pouring into the mech and why he hadn’t left the Prime for a second since Knockout had called him. He knew and yet, still didn’t know what to do with any of it.

**_Optimus, Orion… One in the same now. _**Grunting he lifted his free arm and scrubbed at his aching optics. He was sooo tired, part of him just wanted to sleep but he was terrified, terrified that if he did Optimus would leave him.

What and odd thing to fear, to say.

**_Optimus… I have held such contempt for that designation and yet now I plead to never stop using it. _**He realized, scoffing at the irony of this entire situation.

It was his fault.

All of it.

Losing Orion to Optimus, the war, losing Cybertron, losing Orion AGAIN, and now… Almost killing both Optimus and the sparkling he carried. Megatron’s sparkling.

“Gods.” He swore, sitting up from the chair as he stared despondently at Optimus’s freshly welded but now terribly scarred abdomen.

**_I am the monster, I am always the monster. _**He thought bitterly, torturing himself as his optics ran along every single wound.

Why could he have not stopped at one?

Why could he not hear Optimus out before just attacking?

Why was he always so ANGRY!?

“I don’t want to be Orion… I hate my rage.” He whispered, his self-loathing eating at his spark nearly as viciously as his fear was. Timidly he lifted the arm that the transfusion was set in and oh so gently placed its servo on Optimus’s stomach plating.

His baby was under there. His sparkling, a sparkling he never imagined conceiving but had always dreamed of.

“Ohhh gods…” Megatron moaned, his optics burning and servo trembling as despair and wonder filled him. “Oh gods help me. Why? Why me?”

That was another question that had haunted him through this entire nightmare/ dream. Why did this situation fall into his arms? His wretched, selfish, poisonous self didn’t deserve such a choice, such an opportunity to… To get everything he wanted back.

Or maybe, maybe he was just supposed to lose it all?

A wave of nausea rolled through him, his vents sticking as he fought from gagging at the thought. Maybe he was presented with all of this; the datapad, the videos, the moss, the crystal, the sparkling, and the hope of having Orion back just so that he could suffer through its destruction?

Destruction that he was the cause of.

“Ahhhhh…” He pulled his servo off Optimus and slapped it against his intake. He wanted to purge, he wanted to_ scream_!

Devastation was what he deserved, and that terrified him. He deserved to see what was there all along, finally accept that gift just to have it BRUTALLY ripped away because of his own demonic nature! That was EXACTLY what he deserved!

“Nooo… No p-please?” A muffled plea escaped him as tears began to fall. “Please Primus, t-take m-me? N-Not them… Please not th-them.” He begged, his frame curling in on itself and the precious datapad he held.

If Optimus died, that would be all he had left of the mech. Just as it had been for Orion.

“Uhhhh…” Another bout of nausea bubbled through him, his optics squeezing shut as he fought for control. “I can’t… I can’t lose you again. No more, please? I, I am sorry!” He whispered harshly, his helm lifting and servo falling away as he stared at Optimus desperately. “I am s-sorry… Don’t leave m-me?”

The mech next to him gave him no indication that his plea was heard but he did gasp and his engine stuttered for a second. Megatron’s spark skipped once more, as it did every time this happened, and he held his vents until Optimus’s frame settled back on the berth again.

There was a very real chance Optimus might not make it through the night, Knockout had told him as much earlier. When he had first walked into the med bay Megatron had frozen as he confronted the result of his madness face first.

At the time his medic had just finished his welds so Optimus’s entire torso was nothing but a mess of red oozing welds and battered and burned plating. Half their color was stripped away because of the fire revealing a charred silver where there was once a brilliant blue and red…

Orion’s colors.

Optimus’s colors.

**_I am such a fool. _**He lamented, his shaking digits reaching down as he opened his subspace and delicately pulled out the two tiny crystals within. Smiling sadly he placed one half in one servo and the other in his second, peering at each longingly before he pressed them together…

**_Two halves of perfection. _**He noted somberly, twirling the piece so that it reflected the low lights of the med bay. It sparkled like fireflies, like Orion’s optics had the day Megatron presented it to him.

That had been one of the happiest days of his life.

**_A day I never expected to have, nor deserved. _**His optics drifted back to Optimus, focusing just on the mech’s helm because he was too cowardly to look elsewhere, not that his helm looked much better than the rest of him.

The poor mech still wore the bruises from their fight a few nights ago, his optic surrounded by purple colored plating, there was a long crack up the right side of his helm, his dermas were burned from the cave’s blaze…

Optimus’s broken frame held the story of Megatron’s madness.

** _My monstrosity is proven through your injuries._ **

He pulled the crystals apart, sighing heavily as he placed them safely back in his subspace and rested his helm on his fists. Many more files remained unexplored on the datapad, stories he half wanted to explore now so that he understood everything Optimus had been going through but he also saw the value of keeping them for another day.

If Optimus didn’t make it through this then, then maybe he would open them.

He could see it now, him holding their sparkling, his frame shaking and tears flowing as he introduced the little one to its dead Carrier. The Carrier its Sire destroyed.

“Uhhh f-f-fuck.” His digits unfurled, covering his entire face as a sob ripped from his vocalizer. Yes, the waiting was the worst part of all this because that gave him plenty of time to torture himself. He was evidently very good at doing so.

A light knock pulled the warlord from his mournful thoughts. He quickly lifted his helm and wiped his faceplates clear before answering. “Enter.” He demanded gruffly, surprised that Knockout had returned so quickly after he had told the mech to rest before tomorrow’s surgery.

His medic had cleaned Optimus well enough but until the Prime had more energon in his systems Knockout had feared doing more harm than good should he dive deeper into repairs. It was then Megatron had told the exhausted mech to go rest as he had already been working on Optimus for breems before that. Megatron trusted his medic, for the most part, but he wanted to make certain that were he to open Optimus up he was as well rested as he could be.

There was too much at stake.

“Lord Megatron.”

Megatron titled his helm curiously as Breakdown’s voice, not Knockout’s, answered him and he sat straighter as the larger grounder entered the med bay. Megatron still insisted that only Knockout, and now Breakdown evidently, knew of Optimus being sparked. The medic had asked to inform his mate, expressing a grave disgust with lying to the mech he loved so… Megatron agreed.

He couldn’t deny he was proud of Knockout’s bravery in broaching the subject with him, finding himself pleased the mech would honor his partner so completely, job or leader be damned but… When it came to the rest of his crew Megatron knew that his secret wouldn’t last much longer, not with these mechs.

“Ahh Breakdown. Is Knockout resting?” He asked, nonchalantly clearing the static from his vocalizer. He couldn’t sound weak in front of any that followed him, especially given how this whole mess may play out. His team was already questioning his ability to lead, had been since he lost Orion so, he needed to handle this entire situation very carefully.

“Yes Sir. He has his comm on though, if you need him.” The blue mech informed him, his optics skirting over to Optimus curiously. “How is the Prime?”

Megatron’s optics narrowed at the question, uncertain how he should answer but he figured this mech loved the one bot capable of saving Optimus so, he would be honest. “He remains functioning but, I fear for how long.” He muttered winching when, as if on cue, Optimus began to cough.

If his ragged venting sounded bad; when the Prime coughed it sounded nightmarish. It was a grating sound like metal crashing against metal yet it had a wet quality to it as well, probably because of the energon that was brought up with each wracking convulsion.

“Shit.” Megatron swore, rising to his pedes as his moved with practiced eases and pressed down on Optimus’s shoulders and hips. He did this to keep the mech as flat as possible during the attack otherwise Optimus might split some of his new welds.

“Here, I will take this side.” Breakdown offered, racing to stand across form Megatron and carefully pressing down where his leader was.

The two mechs remained silent as the Prime convulsed between them, his back arching as high as it could as he fought for each vent between coughs. His plating rattled, his temperature spiked, the machinery connected to him beeped like mad…

This was attack number seven, seven times Megatron had had to stand, had to hold the bot down as he helplessly watched Optimus’s frame shake itself apart.

**_Let it be done soon, please. Let it be over. _**Megatron begged as he had every other time this happened. He kept his faceplates stoic, kept his EM filed pulled in tight but inside he was a mess. He was at fault for this, he had ruined the mech that held his sparkling…

He was a monster like no other.

Finally, after what felt like eons, the attack ebbed in intensity. Its absence leaving the Prime gasping for vents and trembling terribly but eventually his cabling relaxed and he fell back to the berth with a static filled moan.

Megatron didn’t remove his servos immediately, he had learned not to during one of the first attacks he helped Optimus through. Sometimes a second started right after the first and sadly the only telltale that the nightmare was over was when…

“Holy slag, he is bleeding.” Breakdown gasped as he stared in horror at the Prime’s intake.

**_It is over. _**Megatron noted miserably, lifting his servos and grabbing one of the many energon stained mesh towels that lie next to the berth. “Yes, he bleeds after coughing.” He mumbled, reaching over and wiping the blood from around the thick tube that was currently stuck deep in the Prime’s intake. Knockout had said the tube was the only reason Optimus’s coughing wasn’t worse, that was a harrowing thought.

Breakdown removed his servos as well, the blue mech frowning worriedly as he watched his leader wipe at the energon. “Sir, what do you want to do about all of this? The rest of the crew is growing suspicious as to why we have not claimed victory yet.”

Megatron’s denta grated together so loudly Breakdown flinched. “Of course they are.” He hissed, venting in deep to calm his rage. He didn’t want his anger getting in the way of taking care of Optimus. “I will address them once Knockout begins his surgery. Have you heard anything from the Autobots?” He asked, knowing that was another chore he would need to deal with soon, even if he didn’t know how.

Breakdown shook his helm. “No contact, but we have noticed a departure of their regular patrol routes.”

Megatron scoffed. “Ahhh, they are searching for him.” He mumbled, pausing in his wiping to peer more closely at Optimus. “I wonder if they know, about the sparkling I mean.”

The smaller Decepticon shrugged. “If they do I wouldn’t be surprised if they put one and one together soon Lord Megatron. We may just have a battle on our servos soon.”

“Yes.” Megatron groaned, shaking his helm as his thoughts whirled. There was too much to do, too much to discuss and plan for but so much of it relied on Optimus surving and that was the least certain outcome than all others.

**_How do I keep things calm? How do I deal with all of the unknowns while waiting for the greatest mystery one to find a path? _**The warlord peered at Breakdown, his optics narrowing in thought.

“Breakdown, I need you to do something for me.” He started, piecing together a part of a plan. “Airachnid said Starscream had been missing from the Nemesis earlier today, have Soundwave check those logs and send them to me.”

Breakdown growled at the mention of the femme. “Not to point digits Lord Megatron, but the wench was missing today as well. Just saying. Want me to look into both?”

** _Arrrgh, of course she was. _ **

Megatron vented out slowly, his servos griping the side of the berth tightly. “Yes, have him check on their departures but do not allude to suspicions. In fact, ask him to check on all of today’s records for anyone on the ship, tell him to give me any unusual cases.”

Surprisingly, Breakdown paled at the request. “E-everybody?” He asked, fidgeting uncomfortably as Megatron’s glare intensified.

“Do you have something to confess Breakdown?” Megatron asked evenly, his optics boring into the obviously nervous mech. “I suggest you come clean now because if I see anything later…”

“C-confess!? Oh, oh no! I didn’t do this!” The smaller Decepticon choked out as he pointed towards Optimus. “It’s just Knockout and I, well we slipped out for… For ummm… Quality time?” He squeaked, shying away from his leader as the mech continued to stare at him when suddenly Megatron barked out a laugh.

“Quality time? You mean a frag?” The silver mech asked bluntly, laughing harder when Breakdown embarrassingly nodded. “Ohhh gods. Are any of my troops ever where they are actually supposed to be?” Megatron asked incredulously.

Breakdown chuckled quietly. “Well Sir, you have been absent a lot recently. I guess we have all kind of needed to find our own way.” He pointed out with a small smile and Megatron stilled at that.

“You, you are right Breakdown.” Megatron admitted, much to the shock of his solider. “I have been absent far too often. I am sorry for that.”

The smaller bot blinked at him. “Uhh… O-okay.” He mumbled uncomfortably before shaking his helm and smiling uncertainly. “Uhh, so get records, got it. Anything else, Lord Megatron?”

“Hmmm…” The silver mech looked from Breakdown, to the med bay doors, and back to Optimus. “I will need to address everyone soon but not until I review surveillance from today. Until then I want you to observe the Autobots, alert me if they seem to be assembling. I will need to deal with them soon as well but again, there are too many pieces that need to fall in place first.”

Breakdown tilted his helm towards his leader, his optics flickering inquisitively. “Sir, if the Prime survives does… Does that mean peace?” He asked timidly.

Megatron glanced at him. “I… I do not know. One step at a time soldier. Let us see if he makes it through the night first, then we can worry for the rest.” He answered wearily, sighing once more before slumping back down in his chair. He was giving too much energon, he could feel his frame growing weaker by the klik.

Breakdown nodded, eyeing him worriedly before walking around to the end of Optimus’s berth. “Uhh Sir, do you need Knockout down here? You are looking a little pale.”

“No, no I can spare some more. I will call him if I need him.” Megatron assured the bot, waving his concern off with his servo. “He needs to rest, especially for what is to come.”

Breakdown frowned at him but bowed after a moment. “Yes Sir. You will get those reports soon.” He promised, saluting before he turned and left.

Megatron watched the mech go silently, He was a little disappointed the meeting had only lasted a few kliks as it was a welcomed distraction. Now it was back to waiting.

**_Hmmm… _** He looked down at the datapad he had placed down once Optimus had started coughing, his digits tapping on his legs a moment before he finally gave in and grabbed it.

**_Uuugh, I am probably going to regret this. _**He noted, shaking his helm as he searched the files that had yet to be open when he realized the last one still remained untouched. Groaning and cursing his curiosity he clicked on it and settled back to watch.

The screen filled with static at first, the white and black fuzz slowly dissipating until he found himself staring at a glowing rock wall. Obviously Optimus was in his cave again, sitting where Megatron always used to sit only this time he seemed to be recording from his own visual feed, not the recorder.

**_Odd, I wonder why? _**Megatron mused but silenced his thoughts as Optimus’s voice began off screen.

“Megatron… I… It is Optimus.”

The silver mech smirked at how awkward and nervous the Prime sounded. He could almost forget it was Optimus speaking not Orion for how similar their tone was but… He supposed it didn’t matter now anyways.

“Megatron, this is Optimus and… And I… Well, this is for you from me. It holds everything I have wanted to say, everything that has happened since, since I left you and… So much has happened.”

**_That is an understatement. _**Megatron agreed with a sad smile.

“Please give me a moment of your time, please let this show you that, that I need you. I need your h-help, I need your support, I need… I, I love you Megatronus and never before have I needed you as terribly as I do now.”

** _Megatronus… He, he called me…_ **

Megatron paused the recording, his optics too filled with tears to be able to see the image clearly. **_Oh gods Optimus… This is the last recording you made for me, you begging for my help and then I just…_**

He peered up at Optimus’s inert form, roaming over the tubes and welding, the sensors and wiring that were currently keeping the mech alive. Optimus had risked his life to send these messages, to tell Megatron his story and, and instead of listening he had done what he always did, acted first and been cursed for it after. **_No, I am not the one cursed, it is Optimus. Optimus and my… _**

** _Our sparkling._ **

Blearily he wiped at his tears and looked back down at the screen. There was the moss Orion had told him of, that little wonder hidden in the depths of this wretched planet. Orion hadn’t hated Earth like he had, Megatron doubted the mech could ever hate anything really… Just like Optimus.

**_Oh frag let’s get this over with. _**He told himself, sniffling a bit before clicking the screen once more. **_Let us see what else I can damn myself with. _**

The video began again, the audio silent as Optimus looked around, maybe wondering what to say next when suddenly everything blurred and the entrance to the cave came into focus.

**_What the… _**Megatron’s optics narrowed as Optimus froze for a moment, the mech’s vents ragged and quick. He was obviously scared of something. **_What is going on? Is it me that is coming down? _**He wondered, leaning closer to the screen when the feed began to scramble.

“No! What is happening!” He snapped at the device, his optics scouring the fading video for any sign of why Optimus would end so abruptly when, at the last second, he heard a voice and then finally the feed ended and the screen turned to black.

“What the frag!” Megatron swore, wincing at how loud his voice was before shaking his helm and reopening the file. He skipped the spark wrenching pleas, he wasn’t that much of a masochist, and started playing at that same image of moss he had seen earlier.

**_A voice, there is a voice right at the end and it was not his nor mine! _**He tuned his audial up as high as they could go and brought the datapad right up the side of his helm as the video played out. He heard Optimus’s frightened vents, heard as the mech shuffled around nervously, apparently preparing to save the file and pull out to data stick and then, there was a laugh.

Megatron’s fuel boiled in its lines, his helm slowly rising from the pad as he stared at the med bay doors with raging optics. He knew that laugh.

**_Airachnid… You wretched filth. You, YOU destroyed the cave! MY CAVE! My HAVEN! _**The rage he had felt when his cave had first collapsed filled him once more, his vision going red and he violently ripped himself out of the chair.

He was going to kill her, rip her pretty helm from her shoulders and mount it in the center of the command deck so EVERYONE would know just what happened when you decided to FUCK with the one and ONLY leader of the Decepticons!

“ARRRRRGH! DAMN YOU!” He bellowed, stepping forwards more than ready to destroy anything and everything in his path when something else caught his attention.

_Beep, beep, beep…_

A sudden and unexpected serious of beeps halted the raging mech’s fury, the sound oddly piercing through his haze of vengeance because it was the one thing he had been fearing the whole time he had been sitting in the med bay.

_“If this alarm starts to beep wildly, call me.” _Knockout’s earlier warning rang through his helm. _“That means his spark’s signal is increasing and if we don’t calm it he could flux.”_

**_Optimus! _**Instantly his murderous rage deadened, the silver mech spinning fearfully towards the berth just to gasp when he found Optimus’s entire side covered in energon!

**_WHAT THE FRAG! _**Panic set in, the image not computing with his already overworked processor. Optimus hadn’t been injured on his side! Why was he bleeding now!? Why was his spark pulsing so fast? What the frag was going…

“O*ooohh**hhh…”

Megatron’s helm snapped up as a fearful and static filled moan came from the Prime just to freeze once he found two bulging blue optics staring back.

“O-Optimus?” The warlord strangled out, his processor whirling to place all the pieces together and understand what had happened in these last few moments when he realized, somehow, that there was a distinct aching in his right arm.

**_Huh? _**He looked down, his brow furrowing as he realized that he too was covered in energon or, at least the bottom portion of his arm was.

**_Arm… Why blood? What… Wait. Where is the tube!? _**Finally things started to piece together. It seemed in his rage Megatron had stood too abruptly and apparently tugged on the transfusion line hard enough to rip it out from his wrist thus splashing both his right arm and Optimus’s left side with energon. That in turn shocked the Prime awake, or maybe it was his scream (damnit), thus why the mech was now staring at him like a mad mech.

Puzzle solved.

**_Ohhh… _**Megatron groaned, blinking away a bout of dizziness as he placed the datapad down and covered his leaking wound with his servo.

“O-Ohhhh*hh, e-ease…” The smaller mech choked out, his words muffled because of the tube in his intake but Megatron was fairly certain he had said “No, please.”.

**_Optimus, shit. _**Venting out Megatron lifted his helm once more. He had to do so slowly now because after giving away some much energon he was rather weak, never mind the blood that he was uselessly allowing to flow to the floor at the moment.

“O-Optimus… You need to calm down.” He muttered, or slurred really, and tried to reach out for the mech.

That was evidently the wrong thing to do.

Optimus’s optics widened further still, the mech moaning as he tried to rip himself away from Megatron’s servo. “O*OOOH**HH!”

**_Damnit! He is terrified of me. Not like I blame him. _**The warlord realized, swearing silently as he tried to figure out where to go from here. If he didn’t calm Optimus down the mech could have another coughing attack or worse flux but…

How did you calm a mech that remembered the last thing you tried to do was kill him?

…………………………………………

Optimus was jolted awake to what he could only describe as a nightmare. It had been a sudden transition from the dreamlike state he had been floating him. One moment he was dreaming of him and Megatron sitting peacefully atop the Nemesis, the two of them leaning against one another as they watched clouds float around them.

Even in his dream he was sure it was an activity Megatronus would never want to take part in but the moment he had suggested it his love’s optics had brightened like the sun and he had agreed but… But what he woke to was a wholly different looking Megatron and terrifyingly different circumstances.

A splash of energon was one of the first things he was greeted with, that and a roar of rage. It was a roar he knew all too well because it was the same one that had echoed around him as Megatron stabbed him over, and over, and over again…

**_N-No… M-Megatron! _**Instantly his spark began to thunder in his chest, his optics blinking rapidly to clear the static just to look up and find the hulking mech looming over him. He too was covered in energon, his entire frame heaving as he stared at Optimus and then he had reached out.

Optimus lost it.

**_Noooo! NO PLEASE! No more! _**He tried to scream his plea, tried to beg Megatron to spare his child but the moment he uttered any sound he nearly choked as his throat tightened around something thick that was jammed down it.

His horror soared.

**_Some… Something inside ME!? _**He ceased trying to scramble back, his shaking servos now trying to grip the tube lodged within him when Megatron growled and quickly snatched his servos away.

“Stop it you idiot! Do you want to die!?”

“O*HHHH**HHH!” Optimus cried back, tugging at his trapped servos wildly. He was terrified, absolutely terrified and because of that fact he couldn’t piece together a story of what was happening that did NOT involve Megatron wanting to tear him to shreds.

Megatron snarled at him, the silver mech’s energon pouring over Optimus like rain as he wrestled with the Prime to get his servos away from the tube. “Calm down damnit, or you will flux!”

**_F-flux? _**That seemed to resonate with Optimus, probably because of how tight his chest felt. Considering how insanely Optimus had awoken he hadn’t had a moment to take in the disrepair his frame was currently in but now that Megatron mentioned it…

**_Ohhh… Oh gods… I… I am h-helpless! _**He realized, tears burning in his optics as he brought up his HUD and did a quick check through his medical programs. He was a wreck, his frame battered and cut but what was worse was the damage inside, not only from the stab wounds but from whatever fumes he had vented in during his mad escape from the cave. The only reason he had been able to fight Megatron off till now was pure adrenaline.

Unfortunately now, he was at Megatron’s mercy and he couldn’t even beg for him to reconsider.

Suddenly he went limp, his frame hitching as tears flowed from his optics. **_Just k-kill me then. Let it b-be over? Let this h-horrible n-nightmare come to an end. Please Primus? PLEASE!?_**

Amazingly enough, once he went limp Megatron released his wrists. The larger bot swearing and mumbling irritably as Optimus tried to curl in on himself on the berth but found with his wounds the only safe thing he could do cover his stomach plating with two shaking servos.

**_I… I am s-sorry little one. It… It is all I c-can do. _**He mournfully told his unborn sparkling, another sob wracking his frame as he awaited his and the child’s end. **_M-Maybe he w-will s-spare it? M-Maybe he won’t kill my baby? Ohhh gods! What have I d-done? _**

Through his tears he watched Megatron stomp across the room. The mech continued to mumble to himself incoherently as he rifled through a few of the cabinets littered along the walls, his search coming to an end once he found a long roll of bandages and ripped a piece off.

**_Primus, Primus I was wrong. Please don’t let my sparkling suffer for it? I beg you, please!? _**The Prime prayed silently, his optics never leaving Megatron as the massive mech irritably began wrapping his wrist.

Once the bandage was securely in place Megatron sighed, hanging his helm low as he muttered some more and then finally turned back to Optimus.

**_Ohhh gods, this is it. _**Optimus’s entire frame stiffened as his nemesis began to walk towards him, his already ragged vents increasing until it felt like a fire was blazing in his chest and then, he noticed something.

Megatron wasn’t walking with his usual cocky stride he was stumbling across the room, his frame swaying unsteadily and servos reaching out for support the entire way. It almost looked like the mech might pass out.

**_He, he is weak? Almost as weak as I am!? _**The Prime realized, his own muddled processor reeling with that revelation. He wasn’t sure why Megatron was so weak but if he was smart, he could use it.

Painfully Optimus tried to still his vents, he needed the fire in his chest to decrease were he going to be able to accomplish what his mind was calculating. He knew his plan was a faulty one, one that would probably end in him dying but considering what fate had in store for him already he figured, why not fight until the very end?

He waited for Megatron to get close, the silver mech never meeting his optics as he shambled closer. Had Optimus not known better it almost looked like the mech had been crying?

**_No… No don’t get distracted. Focus, focus and prepare. _**He told himself, his servos wrapping tightly around his abdomen. He loved Megatron, he stupidly loved the monster but he would do EVERYTHING in his power to protect his child. He had made the mistake of trusting in Megatron over his sparkling once and look where it got him.

He would not make that mistake again.

**_Just a little closer, a little closer and then spring. If I can just get outside I can radio Ratchet for a bridge! _**Luckily, thanks to his time as Orion, he knew the Nemesis’s layout fairly well. He knew if he ran from the med bay and headed east he would eventually get to a lift that led to the roof of the ship. Well, if he could keep his energy up until then and not get shot along the way.

The burning was easing a bit now, not entirely as he was sure it would not do until all of that poison was cleared from his internals but, it would have to do. His optics followed Megatron’s journey back to him, the silver mech looking more and more miserable the closer he got, or was that just Optimus’s mind playing with him?

**_S-Stay focused he… He is not what you want him to be. He… He almost killed me, almost killed the sparkling. He h-hates me and I… I need to r-run. _**Again tears filled Optimus’s vision, his spark blazing with fear, despair, betrayal, and confusion.

Why couldn’t he hate this mech? How, after all this did he still wish he could explain to Megatron, tell him how he felt, how much he loved him?

** _NO! No I tried and he STABBED ME! He stabbed me over and over a-again… Ohhh…_ **

“Optimus…” The Prime jolted as Megatron’s deep and sullen voice echoed throughout the room.

It was time.

Optimus raised his helm, his wet optics settling on Megatron’s dim ones. He forced himself not to see the pain there, not to feel his spark ache to fix whatever had hurt his love so badly…

** _NO! Not love! Not anything but a MONSTER! _ **

Megatron’s intake opened, his optics flickering as he thought of what to say when suddenly the door to the med bay burst open and a gasping Knockout ran in.

“Wha… WHAT THE FRAG HAPPENED!?” The medic screeched, his frame stumbling to a halt just inside the door as his wide optics took in Megatron’s and Optimus’s energon covered forms.

As Megatron sighed and turned to face the red bot Optimus had to fight to vent. **_No! No, now there are two! _**He screamed silently, his plans shattering right before his very optics. He had little to no chance to make it out of here with just Megatron being around but now with Knockout; healthy, energized Knockout, now he was doomed.

**_No. NO! NO I won’t let them kill my sparkling! _** Rage filled the Prime, his anger at Megatron, the frustration that had been building in him for months, the loneliness, the confusion, the fear, his fury with himself; all of it grew in his spark its energy coiling and twisting together until finally, it snapped free.

“AAAAAH!” He roared, the ferocity of his scream taking everyone present by surprise and that moment was exactly what the Prime needed.

Megatron spun back on him, his crimson optics wide with shock and Optimus focused in on them. He turned to his side, swung his right leg with all of his might and cracked it right beside those beautiful, damning optics.

“Optimus n…” Whatever the silver mech was going to say was lost as Optimus’s pede connected with the side of his helm. Optimus may have been weak but so was Megatron and the moment his foot slammed into the warlord Megatron went flying across the room, a chorus of breaking furniture and medical equipment following after.

** _Move! Need to move!_ **

Ignoring the currently gaping medic Optimus then grabbed ahold of the tube in his intake. He shut his optics tight, knowing this was going to be terrible, before he began to pull.

“NO! What are you doing!?” Knockout yelled, his shock at Optimus’s attack on Megatron dissolving as he watched the Prime gag and cough while he yanked the air tube from his throat. “You crazy fragger!”

**_Ohh gods! _** Optimus almost vomited twice as he continued to rip the tube out of him, the accursed thing seemingly endless in length but eventually with a cough and a gasp he was free!

**_Y-Yes! _** Optimus cheered at the release, ripping off every sensor or wire that connected him to the berth. He didn’t think about what he was doing, didn’t let himself think about the pain he was in, he just acted.

**_R-run! Run and call Ratchet! _**He didn’t know how long his panic would carry him but given the situation he was in there was plenty enough to be scared of so at least the supply was consistent.

It was a small blessing but he would take it.

Once he was free of the wires he rolled to the side of the berth, his stomach plating screaming but he pushed past the agony and he swung his legs out so they hit the floor.

“Arrrgh…” He moaned as he shifted his weight off the berth, the fire in his chest coming back with a vengeance but he couldn’t stop! **_Just move, just run!_**

“What the Pit are you doing Prime!? Get back on the berth!”

**_Oh frag, Knockout. _**Optimus reminded himself, a half sob half bellow escaping him as he grabbed ahold of some machine next to him and chucked it in the mech’s general direction.

“AHHHH!”

**_Primus I hope I hit him! _**Optimus again prayed to the ever silent deity, shaking servos clawing at the berth as he dragged himself towards the exit. His prayer was answered, he noticed, as his shaking frame passed a swearing and fallen Knockout. There was little time to rejoice; he still had a long way to go to get to the roof and…

“Arrrrgh! STOP PRIME!” The walls shook as the Decepticon’s voice thundered through the room.

** _NO! No MOVE! _ **

More tears escaped him as he shambled towards the exit, each vent feeling just as choking as those in the cave. He was weakening by the second, the rage and panic that had guided him turning more to despair and futility now. **_No! No please!? Pleeease! _**

“Optimus, damnit! STOP!”

Optimus’s spark skipped as Megatron screamed at him, the mech’s voice too close for comfort. “N-N*oooo*! S*tay a*way!” He yelled back, or tried to, but it came out more like a raspy whisper. He was nearly at the door, nearly to phase two of this hopeless escape plan when he felt a servo wrap around his shoulder.

**_NOOO! GET OFF! _**Immediately he spun on whomever held him, blurred optics not even registering who it was and he just swung out blindly. **_Get off! LET ME GO!_**

His first hit connected, surprisingly, sending his attacker back a few steps yet the force of it also made him stumble back

“Arrrgh!” Optimus’s weak legs barely held his weight and he tried to catch onto anything that could keep him from falling. He knew if he went down now there would be no getting back up.

**_No, no, no, no! _**Somehow the Prime caught the edge of what he presumed was Knockout’s desk, his servo curling around it desperately but there was no strength in the hold. He had had no strength since waking so with horrified optics he watched, almost as if in slow motion, as digit by digit the desk slipped from his grasp and then only air surrounded him.

**_I tried little one, I swear… _**He thought brokenly as his frame fell, optics shuttering and arms wrapping protectively around his abdomen. He wouldn’t be getting up after this, he wouldn’t make it to freedom not unless a miracle happened…

“NO! ORION!” Megatron roared, the odd cry shocking Optimus enough that his optics burst open just in time to see the silver mech lunge for him. He saw long arms stretching out, the mech’s faceplates looking desperate as the powerful limbs enwrapped his frame and as their warmth cocooned him the unexpected savior twisted so that he bore the brunt of the fall.

“Uuugh!”

“Ahhh!”

Both of the titans yelled out as they crashed onto the floor just in front of the med bay doors, their frames clanging together loudly but Optimus knew had he been on the bottom of this pile he would have split every weld on his chassis.

**_W-wait… Weld? _**He hazily thought, realizing for the first since waking that there were not gaping wounds on his torso but repaired ones.

“Arrgh gods… Must everything be difficult with you?”

Venting raggedly from his frantic attempt to escape Optimus moaned as Megatron shifted under him, the larger mech cradling his frame close as he fought to lift them into a sitting position. The long limbs were tight but not painfully so, just firm enough to keep Optimus from running again, not that he had the strength to anymore.

A sob escaped the Prime, his frame curling up against the warlord. “P*lease M*ega*tron… Don’t h*urt our c*hild.” He begged now that his intake was finally free but his voice was so weak he feared the silver mech couldn’t hear.

He was so tired.

His weeping continued as Megatron settled, his frame trembling feebly in arms that could easily crush the life out of him and his sparkling. With the last of his energy Optimus tilted his helm back, his optics working hard to focus on his captor. “P-ple*ase… H*urt me… N*ot the s*parkling… P*lease?”

Megatron vented out at the desperate request, those crimson optics searching Optimus’s flickering blue. “Optimus… I… I didn’t… I don’t want to hurt it.” He whispered, his voice tight, pained sounding.

“O*hhhh…” Optimus sobbed against the larger mech’s chest, his tears dripping and sliding down Megatron’s torso in rivulets. He wanted to believe those words, he wanted to believe them so desperately but he was terrified it was just another foolish hope. He feared it to be just another accursed dream like so many that he had when it came to this mech.

Megatron held him tighter as he wept, the silver mech’s own arms quivering either from lack of strength or…

“Optimus… I… I saw. I watched them, almost all.” The silver mech offered quietly, his helm lowering to rest upon Optimus’s. “I didn’t understand. I… I was a monster, I have been for so long… But I don’t want to be. I… I n-never wanted to be a m-monster.”

Groggily Optimus filtered through the other mech’s words, each sounding like something he would hear from Orion’s memories (His memories?) or the dreams that haunted him.

“A*m… Am d*reaming?” He asked faintly, his flickering optics finally settling onto Megatron’s and that was when his spark stilled.

Megatron, his Megatron, his enemy, his nemesis was… Was smiling at him?

“No Optimus, this is not a dream or I hope it isn’t.” The warlord told him before hesitantly unfurling one of his arms from around Optimus and pointing a digit at the chair he had sat in earlier. “I have been a fool, I have hurt you… I… I was blind but, now I see.”

Moaning the Prime allowed his helm to roll to the side and tried to find what Megatron was pointing at. His vision was tunneled at this point, leaving hardly any scope to investigate through but eventually he focused on a chair, a chair half covered in drying energon but on its clear side sat a battered and rather dingy looking datapad.

“O*h… O*hhhh… O*hhhhhhh…” His frame began to shake harder, his vents hitching as trails of tears carved their way down his pale faceplates.

There it was.

There sat the little trinket that had been his window to the mech he loved, had been his one way to connect with him and Megatron…

He had seen.

……………………..

The warlord’s smiled increased as Optimus sobbed harder, the smaller mech unconsciously reaching out for the datapad as he half laughed, half cried after discovering it.

“My Lord, we need to stabilize him.”

Megatron started as Knockout’s voice broke through his awe and slowly turned his helm towards the other mech. “Knockout… Yes.” He mumbled, groaning as he shifted to his pedes. He was pathetically weak now, the loss of energon and quick struggle sapping him of all his energy.

“I… I could call Breakdown to carry him.” The medic offered nervously as Megatron stumbled towards the berth.

“N-No… No I will not let go.” The warlord muttered, his arms wrapping around Optimus protectively. “N-Never again.”

Knockout huffed at his leader but on his faceplates sat an approving smile. He walked closely next to his leader in case the large mech should fall, or accidently drop his precious cargo. In his opinion it was about time the Prime became precious to Megatron but, he was always a romantic at spark.

“Lie him down carefully.” He instructed, clearing the random wires and sensors from its surface.

Megatron nodded numbly at the command, not even hesitating to follow his medic’s advice. “Optimus… Orion, how do you feel?” He asked as he carefully laid the mech down.

The Prime, his long lost love looked up him with wet but loving optics. “M-Mega*tron… No more… N*o more f*ighting?” He asked, a flicker of fear filling those gloriously blue orbs.

Megatron sighed. “It should have stopped long ago Optimus. I was just too damn blind to see.” He admitted somberly, shamefully. “I… I am s-so sorry…”

Optimus blinked up at him, his optics flashing as a few of Megatron’s tears splashed onto his faceplates. “B-both b-blind…” He whispered, lifting a shaking servo to the larger mech’s cheek. “I l*ove y*ou…”

“Ohhh…” Megatron moaned, his helm falling between his shoulders. “I l-love you t-too.” He wept, gripping Optimus’s servo with his own.

Knockout smirked at the exchange as he replaced each sensor or wire. “My Lord, we need to consider some important issues soon.” He reminded the silver mech, his tone far darker than his spark felt because… Well he knew his teammates and he kinda knew the Autobots too so, so for the two warring factions to accept such a sudden peace, it would be quite the feat.

Megatron’s expression hardened at his warning, the larger mech peering at Knockout closely before he nodded. “Yes… There is much to do.” He noted quietly.

“D-Datapad… Show, show my t-troops…” Optimus offered softly, the red and blue mech gesturing to the tablet. “R-Ratchet f-first…”

Knockout perked up at that. “I must agree with the Prime, Lord Megatron. He is second in command anyways AND one of the more reasonable Autobots.” He paused a moment, scanning over Optimus’s damaged frame. “Plus, I could use his help in the repairs.”

Megatron took in the injuries as well, his spark aching with guilt and self-loathing as he scanned over every weld or broken plate. “Optimus, you… Do… I… I hurt _you_. I hurt you again. I have hurt you so… S-So muuuuch!” He hissed, his disgust of himself dripping with every word. “Do you… Do you even f-find me worthy after this?” He asked, his helm turning and optics blazing with fury as they settled on the Prime’s.

His Prime, his love.

“M-Megatron… “ Optimus started, his optics soft and warm, holding an expression Megatron felt he had no right to ever receive. “What m-makes you happy?”

“What?” Megatron asked, leaning back from the Prime at the unexpected question.

Optimus smiled wider. “Wh-what makes you happy?” He grated out, his chest burning as exhaustion clawed at his consciousness.

The warlord chuckled bitterly, his helm lifting to the ceiling as he searched for an answer to such an absurd question. “I… I don’t know why…”

“Just answer the question, my Lord.” Knockout pressed, the smaller mech’s voice low and far too demanding for such a low officer but…

Megatron chuckled, shaking his helm as he scanned between the two mechs in front of him. “You do Optimus. You make me happy.” He admitted finally, his throat tight and frame stiff.

“A-all o-of me?” The Prime hesitantly inquired, his optics falling to the floor as he awaited the response.

Megatron vented in deeply. **_Here we go._**

“Optimus, even when I thought I hated you I… I knew differently.” Megatron began, a small smile lifting on his faceplates. “Love and hate, there is a thin line between. A thin line and a world of misunderstanding but, I… I want to be better. I want to be better for you, for… For our people, for our ch… For our child.” He confessed, his faceplates scrunching up as his shame again threatened to consume him.

“I b-believe y*ou.” The Prime answered simply and Megatron gasped at his words, at his belief.

“What?” He again stuttered, looking from the irritatingly beaming Knockout to Optimus but again all he found was warm truth in the Prime’s optics; truth and undeserving trust.

“I b-believe you M-Mega… Megatronus.” Optimus mumbled, his smile wavering under the blanket of pain that fought to settle over him.

“I… I am not Megatronus anymore.” Megatron sadly insisted, his optics burning as he recalled who that mech used to be and how far he had fallen from that mech’s dreams.

Optimus laughed, a wet sickly sounding thing but it was an honest one. “And I… I a-am not O-Orion…” He retorted, his optics sparkling with hope, with promise and Megatron…

He could do nothing more that marvel at the wonder of a mech that lay before him.

“I love you Optimus, and I don’t deserve you but…” He leaned in closer, his servo cupping the smaller mech’s gently. “But one day I hope to.”

Optimus giggled, his spark nearly soaring. “I know you will.” He whispered, nuzzling into that servo as exhaustion finally over took him. He wanted to stay awake, wanted to revel in every moment with the mech he loved... Frag he wanted to dance with joy BUT, that would need to wait for another day.

As Optimus fell to recharge Megatron’s processor reeled. “I will be worthy, I will earn my right to your spark I promise.” He whispered, kissing the mech gently on his helm before standing tall.

“What do we do now, my Lord?” Knockout asked curiously as he prepared the breathing tube once more.

Megatron, Lord of the Decepticons, sighed. “Now Knockout… Now everything changes.” He answered, glancing over his shoulder to the datapad that sat behind him. “We begin with Ratchet I think, get the Autobots on our side and let them understand where we stand and then, then we deal with our side and that wretch Airachnid.”

The medic scoffed. “Never liked her anyways.” He admitted with a shiver. “But after that… What then?”

The _former_ warlord frowned, his helm turning back to Optimus. “Then, I suppose, we learn to live again. We remember what life is all about.”

The medic tilted his helm curiously at his leader. “And, what is life all about my Lord?”

“Life… Life is...” Megatron faltered, his old definition of what life was no longer holding ground to the wonder that lie before him now. “I… I suppose it is happiness, sadness, hopes, faults, redemption, forgiveness… Love.”

Knockout nodded, his optics flickering as they filled with tears. “That sounds whole lot more complicated than revenge.” He responded pointedly and Megatron could only laugh.

“Yes, I suppose it is but… But it is fuller then, isn’t it? More gratifying?” He wondered before leaning down and kissing the crest of Optimus’s helm one more time. “This, this feels more gratifying I think. It is more complex, frightening even but… But it feels worth it.” He whispered, tenderly pressing an unsteady servo against Optimus’s abdomen and rubbing it gently. “This, this seems worth the pain. A family seems worth it.”

Knockout laughed, a few tears escaping his optics as he watched his leader embrace the one that had once been his mortal enemy. “Yes Megatron. Yes, I… I think it is too.” He answered, his smile growing as his leader beamed up at him like a youngling.

"Knockout, we have work to do."


End file.
